Between the Stars, Moon and Waves

Back to Blogging

2008-05-15T03:38:00.003+08:00

Wow naman!

Yes I'm back guys! I looked into the last entry I had on this site and it was so so so long ago... a year ago to be exact!

A lot of things happened.

A lot of things had changed.

I had been very busy and occupied to have time to write an entry on this site. I read some blog entries and I just realized how I missed to write something about my life. Its a good stress reliever and it sometimes feels good to try to go back and relive the times I had in my life. Good times or Bad times. It reminds you the lesson that you've learned at that moment of your life. Minsan matatawa ka na lang sa mga nangyari sa buhay mo. This is an online diary. It might be public pero who cares db! I mean its your life that you're trying to put into writing and you just want to express yourself.

So how am I doing now?

Nice question, hehehe...

I can say that I am happy but not satisfied. As usual madami pa rin me gustong mangyari sa buhay ko. A lot of things had changed though like I'm in a relationship now, I am happy even though we have tough moments the love for him makes me hold on. Its part of the relationship naman db. Maiiba na ang mga maisusulat ko dito. Ndi na mga "Sexy, Sassy, Singularly Happy," The Savvy Girl's Guide to Enjoying the Single Life" type of entries, hehehe.

I am still the ate of our family but the good thing is my dad got a better job, he is now working at Convergys for Time Warner and my brother, Robert, finally graduated BS Tourism and is working at a travel agency. Sheesh, isa yan sa mga pinaghirapan ko and I'm so proud to say may napagtapos na din ako. My sister is still studying one year to go and she will graduate soon hopefully. I was able to finish my Professional Caregiver course at SASN. I just need to have experience. I need to work on it though but I am having trouble with my schedule. Same plans may mga nadagdag nga lang.

What made me decide to write again?

I miss it. I want to keep track of whats happening in my life. The progress that I've been making to achieve my goals. To just express myself!

I am looking forward at the happenings on my life. I know madami pang mangyayari. I know for sure its something that I am gonna be proud and happy of.

;-)

Trip Trip

2007-05-20T08:35:00.000+08:00

I have been so busy and happy for the past weeks. I enjoyed every moment it. I can say that I'm back to my old self and had recovered from being broken hearted. Kaya here I am gaining weight again hahaha... Its really a sign for me. If I loss a lot of weight alarmingly, it only means I'm so depressed or so stressed out.

Isn't it quite funny to think when a lot of things are going on with your life that is worth blogging about, you actually dont have time to write it down because of you are so busy. Sayang... to the point that you wanted to write every detail of what happened during that day. Let me try to give you a short wento what happened to me this month... (kalahati pa lang ng month ha?!)

Every Week Dampa! Yup, almost every week nasa dampa ako along Macapagal Ave near MOA pigging out with friends and team mates. High cholesterol but I love it! Buttered shrimp, tempura, baked tahong, crabs, scallops, oysters. Yum yum... Thank God talaga coz I don't have allergies on seafoods. Bjen's birthday pala was celebrated there. Hehehe kakamiss her company with some friends.

Outing with Classmates. Nasugbu, Batangas bonding with classmates, inom, butong pakwan, PG with Ate May's Calderata (sarap pramis!) Swimming, mamangka, mag beach hopping, sumakit ang tiyan... mag videoke... relax lang... just enjoy...

CVG Outing - Morong Bataan White Corals, We had time to relax and get away from calls and escalations. Actually the place is nice except lang hindi maganda yung water sa beach and pool... Imagine may salt water pool sila?!? I can't see the importance of having one eh since may beach naman. Even the fresh water pool ndi naman fresh yun, its chlorine water sobrang taas ng pH ng water parang siyang sabon and ang sakit sa mata... Ate Mitch and Jeynayn slept lang during the outing buti Cielo and I was able to swim and experience the water kahit pano para at least hindi boring db?!

May 14, Exercising my Right to Vote - Yup, this is my second time to vote. I do still have marks of the indelible ink on my right index finger. I am proud that I have been part of this big event. I am a concerned citizen though there have been debates about to vote or not to vote, I still chose to vote because I am still hoping that there would be changes so that our country would succeed. I still have faith on our Filipino leaders. (naks naman!) Sabi nga don't lose hope. Tsaka hello?! I was paying almost 8,000 pesos for taxes per month. Kailangan makialam ako! I read cofibean's blog one time and he said that he would like to change the electoral process here in the Philippines. He was suggesting to put all Senatoriables sa Bahay ni Kuya of Pinoy Big Brother. They would be given tasks on how to improve the system (education, judicial, economy etc.). So that the public would see and know the characters of the candidates to lead our country. Hmmm... pede db? Hehehe...

Pahiyas 2007 - Right after exercising my rights, my sister and I together with Peedhay and her boyfriend went to Lucban, Quezon to witness and enjoy the the colorful Pahiyas Festival. The weather there was soooo cold pati water sooobrang lamig parang naligo ka sa ice tubig.We visited the Via Dolorosa Grotto, and climb 292 steps to reach the top. We went swimming in Malinao. We had videoke, drank lambanog, ate pancit habhab, longanisang lucban, tasted caviar so in other words kain lang ng kain, shopping sa tiangge...Uber sa enjoyment... We watched Brownman Revival, though napanood ko na sila dati sa UP Fair pero shet! ang cute talaga ni Jan (percussions)!!! His smile... his moves... hay :-) I can't tell all the details but I surely enjoyed my stay there. I want to buy a house there dahil sobrang baba ng cost of living. We also took a lots and lots of pictures. I uploaded our pictures on my multiply account.

Enjoy life sabi nga...

Exactly!

2007-04-16T11:23:00.000+08:00

I was surfing the net when I saw this posted on a blog site. I just wanna comment reason why I posted it here.

What Girls want for Guys to do to them:

Leave her cute text messages.
Kiss her in front of your friends.
Trust her over everyone else.
Tell her she looks beautiful.
Look her in the eye when you talk to her.
Tell her stupid jokes to make her laugh.
Let her mess with your hair.
Mess with HER hair.
Just walk around with her.
Include her in most things you do.
When she cries do whatever to make her smile.
Forgive her for her mistakes.
Look at her like she's the only girl you see.
Tickle her even if she says stop.
Hold her hand even when you are around your friends.
When she starts swearing at you tell her you love her.
Let her fall asleep in your arms.
Get her mad, then kiss her.
Tease her and let her tease you back.
Stay up with her all night when she's sick.
Watch her favorite movie.
KiSS HER FOREHEAD.
Give her the world.
WRiTE HER LETTERS.
Let her wear your clothes.
When she's sad, hang out with her.
Let her know she is important.
Let her take all the photos of you whenever she wants.
Kiss her in the rain.
And when you fall in love with her, tell her.
And when you do tell her.. Love her like you never loved before.

- well my comment was... EXACTLY! (lolz)

Hooked Up!

2007-04-16T04:46:00.000+08:00

I have been so tamad for the past two days. I was absent and worked half day. I dunno why but I just seem don't have the energy to go to work. So instead, I did a marathon of a Korean Telenovela... Ugh... some may think I am so mababaw or ewww...

Walang Pakialamanan!

So, I did a marathon of It Started With a Kiss. I was honestly so kinikilig of the series. I think it was better than Full House or Love Story in Harvard. It made me laugh most of the time because the story and characters are soooo crazy! It also made me cry, most of it at the end of the series. As proof, as of this very moment I haven't gottern any sleep. I finished the dvd at 1 am. I went straight to work because my mom was nagging me instead of watching the dvd. Ugh! As I reached the office. I looked into some internet article on this Taiwanese TV series. I saw this site which made a review on this series. I would like to react to it kaso it was very long.

I went back to memory lane because of the story (lolz). Jason was my crush since Grade Six... Just imagine that! I did a lot of things inspired by him. I joined the Discipline Committee for our Student Council Student Escorts because he was the head of that committee. I joined COCC since he was our Batallion Commander during that time. I tried my best to go to UP Diliman in college because I know someday I'll be meeting him there which I did. But the funny part is I really could not speak clearly whenever I'm infront of him. So tongue tied that I wanna be invisible in the end. Ganun siya kalala. We lost touch though. As if we have a connection, eh ndi ko nga siya makausap sa sobrang bulol ko and feeling ko matutunaw ako pag andyan siya even na may times na he was very approachable. Oh well, I finally got the guts to invite him to friendster and with such relief he approved it naman. I dunno siguro if ever I'll see him again. I know na until now I still have a huge crush on him. Hahaha... Parang back to high school...

I am usually attracted to smart guys. Smart not nerdy. The exact character of Joe Cheng on the korean telenovela. Sigh, I actually miss that feeling. The kilig feeling of having a crush... So immature and yet funny. I dunno why I don't have any crush here at work... Madami namang lalaki sa floor... hehehe... Below is a picture of Joe Cheng, so cute! I was so attracted on the character that he portrayed... I couldn't help wishing he was like that in person... hahahaha....

Semana Santa

2007-04-10T06:25:00.000+08:00

I had a funny conversation with my classmates before the class ended last semester. We were talking about how they are gonna spend their holy week. Pee dhay says she's going to Ilocos, Divine in Batangas, Red in Pampanga, then they asked me that question... Pee dhay interrupted me before I answer the question. "Alam ko na lyn kung san ka maghoholy week... sa Ayala, Makati, ang sosyal db." We all laughed at her statement...

Yup, I did spend my Holy Week at work. Work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work!!! Nice noh?!?

After work, since I don't have moolah. I went home immediately and watched the korean telenovelas dvd I bought last week at Quiapo. I did a Full House marathon but whenever I started watching it I would eventually fell asleep so I have to repeat the episodes again the next day. I have already watched this series on GMA channel 7 before. I was always in a hurry to go home from work to watch it but unfortunately was not able to finish the soap opera. I dunno why I am fond of watching such programs on television... uhm possible because most of the crazy funny setup they usually have. The ever love triangle issues between the characters. I hate the telenovelas with tragic ending like the Endless Love series... I don't want to watch any movie with tragic ending to be honest. It's so sad. I don't wanna feel sad so I go for the crazy ones.

Welcome To Quiapo!

2007-04-01T10:55:00.000+08:00

Its Palm Sunday! I planned to go to Robinsons Galleria in Ortigas to attend church service alone. I was trying my best to contact Sinag kaso hindi siya nagpaparamdam. Mommy Huds said that she's gonna go to Quiapo DVD heaven. I visited Quiapo church before but I've never been to the DVD heaven center... hehehe So I accompanied her and I was so excited.

After shift we went to Quiapo. Heaven talaga DVD dun nakakalula sa dami... Feeling ko I would spend all the money that I brought dahil sa dami ng gusto kong bilhin at that moment. It was so cheap. Though at some point I feel guilty because of piracy issue, pero the hell! Sobrang mahal kasi ng original dvd. Naisip ko if the government really wants to stop piracy bakit ndi nila iraid ang Quiapo?!? Hay, hehehe I remembered Chito MIranda of Parokya ni Edgar stated "OK lang pirata basta foreign movies or records" hehehe... I bought Korean Telenovelas like Full House and It Started with a Kiss and a 12 in 1 collection of classic war movies like Braveheart of Mel Gibson and Gladiator of Russell Crowe which are some of my favorite movies kaso lang bad trip the 12 in 1 collection dvd didn't work on our player pero pinatesting ko naman and it was working. Same thing happened to Mommy Huds, we both thought that we might need to buy a new player wherein yung brand ng player would be the same brand that most pirated dvd stalls use to test the dvds like Lexing or Orange or any other brand na hindi kilala.

After Quiapo's heavenly dvd trip we took a walk. We passed by Quiapo Church which is uberly crowded becoz its Palaspas Day. We walked along LRT to Carriedo. I was so surprised dahil tabi tabi lang pala sila. And there are shortcuts for you to go from Quiapo to Binondo to Raon to Divisioria. Mommy Huds was very familiar with the place kaya naeenjoy ko. We took a long walk to Binondo and we were both so hungry. Mommy Huds, Red and I ate at Binondo before. We tried a variety of dumplings. Sobrang kabusog and sarap. This time, Mommy Huds brought me to Tasty Dumplings but it was famous for its really big porkchop. Instead of eating it usually with rice, I ate it with noodles. I used chopsticks, which I'm trying to master. I really enjoyed eating it. Its a different experience for me. And after the porkchop, we had dessert. We ate Jollibee Sundae Mango Caramel... Hehehe we spent the whole afternoon talking and talking that we didn't notice that it was already late. I really enjoyed that afternoon.

Hmmm... Yum Yum... I would surely go back

Way Back Into...

2007-03-28T09:34:00.000+08:00

Blogging?!?

Hehehe.. Yes, I'm back! I'm worried because this blog site was disabled for days. I was accused as a blog spammer. Thank goodness they were able to restore it! I tried the multiply site but I still prefer this site which I had originally since 2005.

We'll its been a long time since I wrote an entry here... So how am I doing?! I'm doing good. I have been busy as usual with work and studies. The semester has ended finally but I'll be continuing this summer. I still feel empty at some point that I don't know why. I just try to enjoy what I have right now...

Last song syndrome ulit:

Way Back Into Love
by Hugh Grant and Haley Bennett

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me throught the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration  Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
 And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

I felt that this song was totally for me but though I dunno who is the person who's gonna be there in the end... hehehe... I honestly want to find my way back into love (ang drama! lolz) kaso I'm losing faith kakapagod na eh... Bahala na si Batman. As of now blangko ang lovelife... I stopped dating as of the moment. I just want to be with myself...

MV Doulos - The World Largest Floating Book Fair

2007-01-22T12:36:00.000+08:00

I have been part of this...

After almost six years, the MV Doulos is back in Manila with over half a million books in tow. The Doulos is well known as the world’s largest floating book fair which sell books at very affordable prices. The ship’s book collection covers a vast range of topics including educational, children’s books, business, language, hobbies, music and general knowledge.

The ship has had a long oceanic career, as of this article, the Doulos is approximately 92 years old. Built in 1914, it is only two years younger than the Titanic. Notably, the ship has been recognized by the Guinness Book of World Records as the world’s oldest ocean going passenger ship.

The ship was built in the United States to serve as a freighter called Medina, after quite some time it was turned into a passenger ship and sailed under the names Roma and Franca C. In 1977, the ship was acquired by the German non-profit charity organization,
It was appropriately named Doulos, a Greek word meaning servant, keeping in line with the spirit of spreading knowledge, help and hope.

I had asked Red to accompany me to the Pier 13 of South Harbor. Grabe ang daming tao!!! At first we didn't notice na ganun kadami... It was too late when we were about to decide to leave. Nanghinayang na lang kami because we are half way there. It took three tiring hours for us to reach the ship itself sa sobrang haba ng pila... It was already 7 p.m. nung nakaakyat na kami ng ship. When we got there... The place was so crowded and I am in no mood to look at the books they were selling. Red and I decided to buy a souvenir mug instead. Napagod lang kami ng sobra just to be part of this Guinness chuva... hehehe...

But it was a nice. After that tiring pila... We went for a walk along Rizal Park hehehe I always wanted to do that for a long time since I was in Grade School the last time I went there...

Wala lang...

Better Late Than Never

2007-01-15T06:23:00.000+08:00

I know its kinda late to do some New Year statements and New Year resolutions... and I know its been a long time since I posted here just because I was so damned busy and was in no mood to write at all. Although a lot of things had happened to me for the past months or I say for the past year. I maybe too busy to write an entry on this blog but I always take time to reflect on what happened so far in my life...

Last night, I was walking at the creepy walk way from Greenbelt to Enterprise Bldg along Ayala on my way to the office. I just came from Powerbooks reading some stuff that had actually inspired me to write an entry again here on my blog. Although if you are gonna try to look at this site I had already uploaded some recent pictures... Medyo magulo nga lang. I was so depressed when I did this nakakainis kasi ang work at mga issues sa bahay. I decided to cut classes and upload the pictures instead and ate a large order of Frosty from Wendys. After that I feel much better... Looking at pictures always make me feel happy...

We'll how am I doing? I am doing pretty good. All I can say is I am still very blessed by God. I'm trying my best to fight and survive. New year came and it was something that I had been looking forward to... Before looking forward, I looked backwards and tried to reflect on what had happened to me on the recent year. I believe that its healthy to reflect on things so that you can try to assess on your own strengths and weaknesses. I had done this long before New Year I am just sharing it here on my blog....

The Responsible Eldest Sister...

Its so hard to be the eldest in the family. They expect too much from you. I expect too much from myself. Year 2006, I have been responsible enough to be the breadwinner of this family. We had financial problems but with all support and love of my family we are still surviving so far. Sometimes I think life was unfair. I can't enjoy the money I was earning. I thought of this when I was on "selfish mode." I give it mostly to my family. But then ganun naman ata talaga if you love them you are most willingly to give more.

Have You Seen My Self - esteem?

Ok I admit it, last year, I think I have fallen for someone totally wrong for me. Reading my previous blog posts made me realize how much I liked him... how much he'd hurt me and made me feel like second best... reason for my self esteem to leave me.... I really felt devastated although I was trying to convince myself over and over again its the stupidest thing to feel and do. I have done a lot of stupid things for him that I know made me looked cheap in my opinion. He made me cry a lot of times... He was selfish. All he think about was himself. Everything was in favor for him. But I liked him...

Liked him? Or maybe loved him...

But I know at the start of the year I had moved on. Although there are still times that I'm thinking na sayang... If he just gave me the chance to love him made me think of the things I can do for him.... Stupid right?!?

Oh well, I have already put an end on this stupidity... It had been so tiring...

One Step at a Time

With all the mixed emotions and depression, God has blessed me and answered my prayer. I've always prayed for me to go back to school and it did happen this second semester. I was so happy and excited. I had been so busy with all the school work, a good therapy for me honestly. I was getting good grades for my exams and participating well for our community. New friends... so far so good...

Although there are times that I can feel that I am so burnout. I want to take a long vacation. But I know I can still manage... I am still doing so good.

I am happy because I am making small actions that would surely fulfill my dreams. One step at a time as they say. I was also trying to step out of my comfort zone... paunti unti lang and then surely I would achieve what I've always wanted.

Solo Flight

2006-11-25T05:58:00.000+08:00

I decided to go home early today and I was so bad trip when I got home because walang tao! The house was locked and they didnt leave the keys to our neighbors! I was so tired pa naman and hungry... I can't contact them since they don't have cellphones. I tried waiting for them for an hour but still nobody came. I had no idea where they went. So I decided to go to SM Sta. Rosa instead...

Hmmm... I haven't done this for a very long time, going to the mall alone. It was a Saturday so as expected maraming tao... I tried to look for Christmas gifts ideas kaso I was so tired. I decided to watch a movie instead. Hmmm... Casino Royale, Gigil, Wag Kang Lilingon and Boa... Since I like horror movies I chose Wag Kang Lilingon... I was actually thrilled that I'm gonna watch it alone inside the movie house... La lang lakas trip!

I ate lunch alone... At first I had this uneasy feeling... feeling ko ako lang walang kasama sa mall! Parang ang pathetic ko... Good thing I have my friends texting me and tried to keep me company thru text. They were trying to convince me na wag na lang manuod dahil baka may manyak daw akong makatabi sa loob ng sinehan. Natawa lang ako... I jokingly texted "Ok lang yun, naghahanap nga ako ng solo flight na boylet na makikindatan ngayon eh" It was a joke of course! I was just trying to make fun of the situation. While eating, there was this guy who asked permission to give him one minute of my time. I was actually shocked kasi bigla na lang siya umupo sa harap ko. I was eating at SM Foodcourt by the way... But he looked nice, neat, kind of cute and feeling ko naman walang masamang intention. Kaso me as the obedient child I followed my mom's bilin na "don't talk to strangers!" So I snapped at him "Can't you see I'm eating?!?" I know he was embarassed by that and he said "Uhm ok, I'm sorry. God bless na lang po." Napaisip ako... siguro magsosolicite lang yun... I finished my lunch and went to the movie house with mais con yelo for my dessert.

The last movie I watched alone was JuOn, The Grudge - japanese version - ang hilig ko talaga sa horror movies. Grabe, I was alone sa row. Tapos sa tapat ko isang barkadahan ng high school students na sobrang ingay and pa pampam. I watched the movie and all I can say was - Its boring!- It didn't scare me at all! Mapangit siya and its a waste of money mas ok pa yung TXT of Angel Locsin. Hay sana I watched Gigil na lang. I had already watched Casino Royale, I don't like Boa feeling ko corny. Right after the movie, It was already 6pm. I hoped that someone's home na.

Ayun! My dad was home, nagpunta pala sila sa church kasi may affair sa kanila. Badtrip... I partly scolded my dad coz aminado siya he forgot to leave the house keys. He also partly scolded me kasi hindi naman daw ako nagsabi na maaga ako uuwi. Kainis!

According to cosmo magazine, its good for a woman to go solo once in a while because it allows you to have time for yourself. Try to reflect on some things in your life. I hope next time I would be able to spoil myself by travelling solo. I really wanted to travel. Ok lang solo you'll feel the excitement and the independence. Surely you'll learn a lot from the experience.

Season of Smiles

2006-11-23T05:04:00.000+08:00

Christmas is really in the air. I am always fascinated with the colorful Christmas decors but I don't like listening to Christmas songs. Day before my off, I felt so sick after listening to the Christmas songs Yray sent thru bluetooth on my phone. It was depressing. Dunno why... There are several Christmas songs that I like listening to: Christmas Alphabet (my favorite), I remembered we had a school recital and sang this song in Grade School; Jingle Bell Rock, it reminds me of Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls and a new favorite... Season of Smiles by Itchyworms... La lang... Masarap naman talaga mag smile db... I think thats the best thing I can do... smile... It can make you feel better. Although there are times na mahirap talaga...

Because of depression, I asked Jeypi to watch a movie with me. We were supposed to watch Casino Royale kaso reserve seating... Buti na lang we changed out mind and watched School for Scoundrels starring Jon Heder of Benchwarmers, Billy Bob Thornton and Ben Stiller... It was a funny movie... It had washed away all my sick feeling. Minsan I was thinking, ganun ba talaga ako kababaw? or funny lang ba talaga yung movie? or ndi lang ganun kalaki yung sense of humor ng kasama ko? Feeling ko kasi ako lang natawa while he was just sitting there so quiet... hmmm la lang... Mababaw lang talaga siguro ako... But I enjoyed it...

*Sigh* Boring talaga dito sa office.

Prayer Mountain

2006-11-19T05:56:00.000+08:00

I haven't gotten any sleep again. I've been like this for the past few days. I usually have 2 - 3 hours of sleep only. Possible reason why I feel so tired right now. I am not feeling good as well. I have colds. *Sigh* Over fatigue kakagimik!

Earlier this afternoon, I accompanied a friend to Antipolo, Rizal to visit an orphanage. We measured the weight and height of the kids there and asked for their feedback about the cycle menu that my friend created for the institution. It was fun! Although sobrang layo but the place was so nice. The view was beautiful. We planned to take lots of pictures kaso it was already 6 p.m. when we finished our work at the orphanage. Madilim na to take pictures. We also went to Prayer Mountain. We prayed and tried to do some sightseeing kaso ndi na tlga makita yung magandang view dahil madilim na. Sayang talaga so next time na lang...

I've been busy for the past few days. Reason why I wasn't able to write any new entry here. I'm back to school kaya sobrang busy. My class schedule is from 1pm to 6pm. So after work tuloy me agad sa school. Kakapagod, it feels like I'm superwoman! I realize... I have a lot of roles to play in life... daughter, sister, friend, provider, employee, supervisor, product specialist, agent, student, citizen of the Philippines and Christian. Wala lang, I was just thinking kung nagagampanan ko ba ng mabuti yung roles na yun... Hmmm...

I was so happy dahil sa wakas nakakain na ko sa Beach House!!! Miss ko sobra yung barbecue nila and also yung view ng Sunken Garden. I was continuously feeling so good about the things around me. Effective talaga yung positive attitude to make things in life easier! Hopefully, this continues...

One Hour of Sleep

2006-11-11T05:02:00.000+08:00

I am at the office and I only had an hour of sleep. We watched PBA, Ginebra vs San Miguel. Unfortunately, San Miguel loss. Gosh! Without any intake of vitamins, here I am so happy, giving support to agents. I didn't drink any coffee... Tibay ah! Dunno why I have been on such a good mood for the past few days. I hope this continues for the rest of... my life?!? Hehehe I hope so... La lang... I'm actually bored. No one to chat with kaya etoh blog na lang muna... Kakainis lang mga sobrang bobo na customer.

Me, Myself and I

2006-11-09T10:50:00.000+08:00

I can't sleep. I wrote this entry earlier on a piece of paper before typing it here. I have Fall for You of Nina playing on the background while writing this...

Nina Live - Fall for You.mp3

Ewan... senti mode na naman ako. I just like listening to the song. It sings about hope and chance. Hmmm... papakaweirdo na naman ako. Weird in the sense that I can't express myself, not even here. It is only I who knows the reason and understands why am I feeling this way that I have to lie about it. Siguro simply because I don't want or am quite hesitant to share what I am thinking or feeling at the moment. *Sigh*

I think epekto toh ng movie na pinanuod ko kanina... It was a Korean love story with a tragic ending. So sad... The saddest part was... actually ndi pala... On the movie kasi they have pet turtles named Neil and Armstrong and they are ssooooo cute!!! I visited a friend the other week and she has a pet turtle named Kiko. It was so cute. It looked boring at first but when I saw the Korean movie the same species of turtle was so cute and fun to play with. I honestly wanted to have one then. I already included it on my wish list this Christmas for myself. But when I asked my mom about it, she said I can't have one kasi malas daw sa bahay?!? Duh?! Hay, Kainis! Napaisip tuloy ako na maging independent uli at bumukod ng bahay. I'll try to talk to my mom again. Gusto ko talaga nun... Pero kahit pano I have the feeling na papayag din siya. I was giving hints to my friends na yun na lang regalo nila sa kin hehehe... Mas nice and special kasi if it was given to you as a gift db? La lang... Hoping and praying to have one... I dunno how much it costs pero basta I want one... *sigh*

I have been busy for the past few days. Busy going out with friends and being with my family. They are my outlet whenever I feel "weird" or stressed out. Workplace ko lang naman talaga source of stress para sa kin sa ngayon. The other day, I stayed overnight at my Tita's place. I have my makukulit nieces to play with. They are so cute - 3 yr old, Jade and 1 yr old, Jannelle. I played dolls with them. I haven't done that in very long time and it was fun. I carried them both on my back while shouting "Bili bili kayo bata!" That was my favorite game when I was a kid. My Dad used to carry us on his back. I had so much fond memories during my childhood days kaya siguro madali sa kin mag isip bata... what i mean is i can easily relate to kids. Natatawa me kay Jade. She was so bulol that whenever she says or make kuwento about something, I really cant help asking "Ano daw?!?" with a confused expression on my face. Then my cousin will translate it for me. The thing is she was so madaldal and she speaks so fast that I repeatedly kept saying "Ano daw?!" She has a confused expression herself na nakakatawa. But I was so touched when she whisphered to me "I love you , Tita" so clearly while I was pretending to be sleeping dahil sa pagod kakalaro sa kanila. She gave me a peck on the cheek, touched my hair and left the room quietly. Aww... so sweet kid...

The things that I hate whenever I visit my relatives are: whenever they make pansin about me losing/gaining weight that I don't know if losing/gaining weight is good or bad, and whenever they ask me with lovelife questions like "May bf ka ba ngayon?" "What happened sa last bf mo na si..." Ugh! Please! Once you answer one question surely may follow up yun then you'll never hear the end of it. So I just smile and try to change the topic or make a dramatic exit from the spotlight like "Ay tita! Yung niluluto ko, wait lang po!" Lame, very lame excuse.. I know...

Honestly speaking, right now I consider myself single but unavailable. Me, myself and I muna drama ko. I'm tired. I tried dating again for the past few weeks but I know deep inside I'm not ready. Its surely not gonna work out. So here I am, spending most of my time with wonderful friends and family. I'm trying to improve myself. I was working on something that I know would help change my life. Its very very soon... I'm asking God for guidance and help.

Ate Hannah

2006-11-05T12:08:00.000+08:00

Last song syndrome: "Gusto siya, Ngunit di pwede pala, Gusto ko siya" So etoh I tried looking for the lyrics. I just came from gimik. so here I am antok sobra while working.

Ate Hannah Lyrics
by Tiny Cactus

Isang araw
Naligaw
Sa kanto dyan sa Morato

May nakita
Isang dalaga
Napatangin, natulala

Anong hiwaga ang meron siya
At sabik na sya’y makilala

Gusto ko siya
Ngunit di pwede pala
Gusto ko siya
Sana ay akin ka na

Ako’y lumapit
Naglakas loob
Nagbakasakali
Makausap siya

May biglang sumingit
Sumiko sa akin
Boyfriend nya ang
Sama ng tingin

Biglang huminto ang mundo
Nung malaman kong
Hindi ako para sayo

Biglang huminto ang mundo
Nung malaman kong
Hindi ako para sayo

Gusto ko siya
Ngunit di pwede pala
Gusto ko siya
Sana ay akin ka na

Hana... hahanapin (8x)

Gusto ko siya
Ngunit di pwede pala
Gusto ko siya
Sana ay akin ka na

Gusto ko sya...

Although the lyrics looks simple, the beat of their music and the performance of the band was superb! Kuhlet nung vocalist. May malaking potential sila... Kakaaliw...

Brighter Side

2006-11-04T11:10:00.000+08:00

I honestly wanted to resign from work. Of course I can't do it for the simplest reason I am a sole breadwinner in the family so I can't afford to lose my job. Why do I want to resign? Besides the fact na nagsasawa na ko sa ginagawa ko. The people around me makes the workplace stressful. May mga bagay o tao na gusto mong kalimutan na nahihirapan ka kasi nasa paligid mo lang sila. Tapos most of my friends had already resigned. Everyday I was trying my best to motivate myself para lang pumasok. If its not for my family na everyday hinihila nila ako sa higaan para pumasok. I would surely be absent most of the time.

I chatted with my TL the other day. I actually admire him for being so positive about things. He always encourages us in everything we do. I asked him what's his secret and he simply answered "Always look at the brighter side of things and instead of complaining and trying to blame someone or something always try to think what you can do to make the situation more better." Hmmm... I know its not easy but that was a good advice.

I'll try to look at the brighter side of things... Pano ba iapply dito sa office? Well at least I have a good paying job that can support my family and not included among the thousands of unemployed Filipinos. (statistics!) What else... ah... yesterday we had a focus group discussion with Nathan, he is one of our boss for Bellsouth... *Sigh* Ate Michelle and I are greatly inspired seeing him again. So cute... So hot... I like his eyes... mesmerizing... He has very long eyelashes, very attractive... grabe sarap icurl lash!

Brighter side... I have a crush on the floor! He's back! I can't believe it. Parang high school crush na pagnakikita mo mags smile ka stupidly at yourself. Hahanap hanapin para makasimoy. He was my crush when I was a tier 1 agent. He's good. He got promoted from tier 1 to escalataions to tier 2 to team leader. I can't mention names, hahaha... (I know Pao kilala mo na siya!!!) He resigned to go to law school. Sobrang sipag and sobrang cute pa rin kahit long hair na... Hay, but he's back! TL uli sya... (True Love?!? hehehe just kidding!)

The brighter side thinking makes me feel better hehehe... Its something to look forward to... Practice lang toh then brighter side na lang lagi kong makikita at wala ng nega...

Quality Time

2006-11-02T10:30:00.000+08:00

I'm back to work and as usual to ease my boredom I always try to update this blog. I am happy because the photo blog is already working.

During my off, I've spent a lot of quality time with my family which I haven't done much for the past few months. I was the family cook and the good thing was they liked it and it was greatly appreciated by my mom. I even accompanied her to the market. Since it was halloween, we visited my grandparents' and tito remains. The cemetery was just across our subdivision so it was no hassle for us to visit them. Actually it was only me, my brother and sister who visited them. My parents was not able to join us because their religion does not allow them to do any participation with this Catholic occassion. We offered our prayers and had a small picnic with street food as our baon- kwek kwek, cotton candy, twin popsies and coke sakto. I know it sounds cheap pero food trip lang toh.

I was in a hurry to go home. I need to meet a new friend to watch a movie at SM Sta. Rosa. We watched "TXT" of Angel Locsin and Oyo Sotto (no choice). In fairness to the film, it was scary. I love watching horror movies na kala ko wala ng effect sa kin. When I watched "Sukob" of Claudine Barretto and Kris Aquino, it was not scary for me. I thought I got immuned with horror movies but when I watched this film I was clutching my bag and covering my eyes. Parang its easier to relate kasi with the story, having a psycho obsessed boyfriend who haunts you even after his death than with Sukob na wala namang kamalay malay at kasalanan na they were step sisters na sukob sa taon ang kasal nila. In the movie "TXT", Dennis Trillo, worked as a call center agent. There was this scene that Oyo was there at the office haunting him. Wala lang naimagine ko lang sa office. Wahehehe... What scared me most was when Oyo keeps sending Angel mms scary pix and no matter how Angel kept destroying her phone she will surely have the same one after. After the movie, we ate at a porkchop specialty house just like Aling Tuding's which is very popular here in Laguna. The night was ok. I would like to go to Padi's for the Halloween Party kaso po hehehe basta I changed my mind and went home...

The next day, I assumed it was going to be very boring day. I woke up late thinking I have nothing to do. Actually I have a lot of things to do kaso I am procrastinating --- tamad ---. Parang Good Friday dahil sobrang tahimik ng paligid. I just accompanied my mom again to the talipapa and borrowed some DVD. I was surprised when my sister asked me to play basketball with her. I happily agreed and went to the basketball court which was a block away from our house. I can still feel my body aching. It was fun as I expected. My sister was laughing at me because I looked funny when I try to do the lay up. I was trying to master the foot work of it. We were running like crazy around the court. I wanted to challenge her on a one-on-one but she doesn't want to. She said that we will just play pass and shoot. We did it over and over again. Nakakashoot naman ako in fairness. I just can't do three point shots unlike my sister. I was surprised dahil may mga tambay dun na lolo saying I was good. Hehehe palakpak tenga although I know I am not good at playing basketball. That's why I only got a 3.0 for basketball girls in PE2 during college besides the fact that I had a lot of absences. I was all so sweaty, smelly and my face was all flushed. After playing we went to the playground and played on the swings. Nagpapatuyo ng pawis hehehe... We went back to memory lane of our childhood. I thought it was over. My sister wanted me to dribble the ball while walking home para maimprove daw yung dribbling skills ko. She wanted us to jogged around our subdivision but I refused kasi pagod na ko but instead she asked me to do 3 mins. step test. I started complaining and she was saying "Kala ko ba gusto mo maging athletic?" I have no choice but to follow her. We just did the step test and I couldn't keep up with her. She was suggesting more physical activity like sit ups and push ups but I refused to. Pagod na talaga ako! We took a shower and watched "She's the Man" of Amanda Bynes and Channing Tatum. Channing is my ultimate crush. Sobra! He was so sexy and I really liked his role in that movie. Although it was already my 4th time watching that movie, I just can't get enough of it. I still laugh out loud. ---> Adik si LYN! (wag na magtaka).

Oh well, so far so good everything was doing fine. I want to challenge myself to step out of my comfort zone so that life would not be boring for me anymore. Its a challenge that I would surely love to take wahehehe...

Moving On

2006-10-30T06:34:00.000+08:00

Ok, I admit it I miss him so much. I know... I need to move on... Its really weird for me to like a person this much and that quick. Sad... but what else can I do but accept that there are things that you really can't have. I am sure not speaking to him would be a great help for me to move on. I was watching Bridget Jone's Diary the other day when I heard this song from the movie...

Gabrielle - Out of Reach.mp3

I hope this is gonna be my last post regarding this issue.Ayoko na... I'm too tired.

Kuhlet Kuhlet

2006-10-29T03:13:00.000+08:00

Yesterday afternoon I was so badtrip because I was not able to go with my brother and sister to my tita's house to get the balikbayan box our tita's from the states has sent us. Iniwan nila ako! My mom said "matulog ka na lang." Hmp!

When I woke up, it was only 11:30pm. They already kept the other pasalubongs. My sister was busy looking at the pile of clothes. It smells like I was in ukay ukay! Grabe! Some of the clothes naman are new and some are hand me downs. My sister looked so silly she tried to combined all the outfits she can find. Then we both decided to have a fashion show. We tried different outfits and caught ourselves on video (of course for our eyes only, hehehe). I was crying with laughter because my sister looked so silly on her outfits. My sister acts like a tomboy. She seldom wears body fit or dress. She likes baggy pants and t-shirts. Kaya whenever she dressup like a lady we are actually surprised. Besides the fact that she was long-legged, she loss a lot of weight when she got sick because of thypoid fever. She was so sexy, hehehe. She actually looked like Tetchie Agbayani pero when she started walking grabe sira na! Ang pangit! Machong macho. My lola was getting mad because we are so noisy and she cant sleep. With Justin Timberlake's Sexy Back playing on our background we started walking on our own catwalk, acting out as models with pouting lips. Hahaha... I always had so much fun goofing off with my sister. We found this two white long sleeves with very exagg laces at the end of it. "Eww uso toh sa states?" We wore it and started dancing Thriller of Michael Jackson imitating the steps from Jennifer Garner's movie 13 Going 30. Sakto for the Halloween! We are planning to attend this costume party and go trick or treat with the SPPECC kids this Halloween. After the catwalk, my phone continued playing hip music. I never realized my sister can dance so good. When she was a kid, she likes dancing the Macarena. She even tried break dancing!!! We were dancing stupidly like party poopers. Yes, I can dance. I actually want to enroll in a dance class. Siguro sa after the Holiday season. I'm 100% sure I will enroll myself. Hehehe just thinking about it excites me.

Because of our kakulitan, I loss track of the time. Grabe, 1 a.m. na! I dont wanna be late again. After taking a bath and everything, I asked my brother to speed up the motorcycle because its nearly 2 a.m. He was speeding. Unconsciously I said imitating Kate Winslet's voice in Titanic "I'm flying!!!" After saying that unexpectedly my brother removed his hands from the handle bars and spread his hands on the air and shouted "I'm the King of the World!!!" I screamed because of fear na baka sumemplang kami and he was laughing so hard and I really hate him for that. Lagi nya ginagawa yun...

Oh well... marami pang kakulitan mga kapatid ko na sobrang naaaliw ako :-)

Never Been Happy

2006-10-28T09:25:00.000+08:00

I never felt so happy again. Something happened to me for the past two days during off. Its unexplainable. I felt inspired and its so sooo good. All my hurt feeling was gone. I never felt so positive. This is the right feeling... good vibes. I can't believe I am smiling stupidly at the computer while typing this entry!

*Sigh*

Whoopsie Daisies

2006-10-22T04:12:00.000+08:00

Lyn did a very bad thing!

I am at the office and at this very moment... I am tipsy! I just came from Bjen's despedida celebrated at Hardrock and Krocodile Grille at Greenbelt 3. Grabe! I can't think straight or walk straight. Don't ever mix margarita with white russian and onion rings. Bad combination. At the office, good thing I have my toothbrush but before brushing my teeth I threw up at the girls restroom. Good thing I was able to control it. My hair smells like vomit. I think I puked on it. Gosh kadiri talaga ako! I was able to clean myself up. My co - tier2s laughing at me because I was madaldal.

My head aches.

I feel dizzy.

I wanna go home...

I really wanna go home...

zzZzzzzz...

Till I Met You

2006-10-18T12:25:00.000+08:00

My eyes are so heavy. I am so sleepy. My head aches. I had already sent four truckrolls or tech dispatch to my supervisor calls today. Even though I know that I can still resolve the issue. Its just that I was in no mood to deal with slow customers who kept on complaining how frustrated or aggravated they are with their internet service. It has been a long day for me since yesterday. I was exactly 36 hours and 16 minutes 25 seconds awake. I know that its gonna be a different day.

After my last entry, I know you might be wondering "How are you feeling?" As I've said I decided that I'm gonna be happy. I will just laughed away my mixed feelings and never pay much attention to it. Although the 'guy I was previously dating' and I are in speaking terms, things would surely never be the same between us. After discovering new lies, I decided not to confront him about it. Its gonna be useless and I careless about it. I actually feel numb about these issues. Even though he was starting to be so warm again in our chat sessions, I don't entertain the idea that everything will be back to normal. I just enjoy speaking to him to ease my boredom while waiting on queue for escalations. Lately he has been very energetic and quite positive about life but when he starts to spat sweet statements the first thing that comes to my mind was "he's lying." I can imagine him with a big LIAR boldly written over his forehead and that makes me smile and feel better. I sometimes wanted to be sarcastic about it but I decided not to instead I just reply with "nyak" or try to change the topic. Well as I've said I'm numb about it already.

12:30pm... I hurriedly went to Gateway Cubao. I cancelled my appointment to meet my cousin just to meet Sinag at exactly 1:30pm.

1:30pm... Waiting for Sinag at Gateway Foodcourt. Grabe! She's late na naman!!!! She's always like that. I listened to my MP3s... Oh shit... Lowbatt... pero pede pa... Looking at the people... Trying to think what are the stories behind these people. I'm sure they have their own problems. Do they know where their lives was going. Well, who knows?

3:00pm... Sinag finally arrived! Leche! I met her at the LRT2 station. I was so hungry. Dapat kumain na ko sa Gateway. Kasi she kept on texting na malapit na ko... onti na lang... malapit na... Grabe... We rode the LRT2 while busily chatting about her lovelife.

3:30pm... We finally arrived FEU. This was my first time to enter the university. I hadn't thought of going to college here kaya medyo excited din me. Kahit na gutom at pagod dahil kakaantay kay Sinag.. Ayun ok lang... Sabagay sanay na ko... Lagi naman siyang late. Nagtake out na lang kami sa Jollibee. Grabe feeling ko I haven't eaten for two days!

5:00pm... We're still at FEU. Inputting the final grades of Sinag's FEU Nutrition Student from the College of Nursing. I'm bored. I tried helping Sinag to paste her students' grades to her record book.

6:00pm... Still at FEU, but I was already enjoying cutting and pasting her students' grades. I haven't done this in a long time. Usually copy paste sa pc ang ginagawa ko. I was trying to master na magpantay pantay yung ginugupit ko and at the same time pasting it but made sure that it looked so neat to make it look presentable.

7:00pm... Finally we left FEU. I texted Atet and I invited her to join us watch the movie and she happily agreed.

8:00pm... SM Megamall. We bought the tickets already. I honestly don't like to watch the movie but I have no choice. We ate dinner then we forgot that its past the last full show, so we need to wait till 10pm for the next LFS on another cinema. While waiting... we just talked about our plans in life, latest updates. I was actually feeling dizzy becoz I still haven't gotten any sleep.

10:00pm... Finally inside the movie house, medyo madami rin yung tao. Ang pangit ng sounds! Garalgal... The movie was very predictable. I thought nung una makakatulog na ko sa loob ng sinehan sa wakas but I was wrong! Comedy ang pelikula... Oooppss... Ginawa namin siyang comedy! Just as I've thought parang nung college days! We we're complaining how Regine acts kasi sobrang pangit and OA then there was this part where Regine saves Robin after falling from a cliff (imagine that?!?) Sinag unconsciously shouted "Ano ba yan ang JOLOGs!" Her voice echoed inside the movie house that we, just the three of us laughed out loud. We continued our nasty comments about the movie. We imagined the next scene or the ending of the movie and make it funny that I really can't help myself from crying because of laughter. We can hear people murmuring and making "ssshhh" sounds. We continued laughing even after the movie outside the movie house. Buti na lang hindi kami binugbog ng mga Regine V. fans hehehe...

11:30pm... We left the movie house with our hair covering our faces, parang nung college talaga. After making fun of Judy Ann Santos films lalabas kami na nakatakip yung buhok namin sa mukha dahil sa kahihiyan na nanuod kami ng pelikula niya at sa takot na baka mabugbog kami ng fans niya. hehehe... Time to go home but we're trying to decide whether to go to a videoke bar or umuwi na lang. I asked them na next time na lang since I still have a shift at 3:00am. Atet gave us a ride to Philcoa. While inside her car dun na lang kami kumanta. Ang ingay namin kahit ako ndi pa na drain yung energy ko. Atet requested When I Met You by APO Hiking Society... Although I haven't heard or sang the song for almost a month now because it reminds me of someone... I felt good singing it.... I felt a lot much better...

12:30am... We decided to have coffee at Mcdo Philcoa and continue with our chit chats...

1:30am... Etoh totoo na! Uwian na po!

2:00am... I fixed myself up at Sinag's place. I borrowed her clothes and took a bath kahit walang tulog kahit isang idlip!. I can't believe I was able to fit in one of her sister's jeans and her blouse. I loss a lot of weight! hehehehe

So there! I was kind of scared to travel from Q.C. dahil sa mga holdaper issues. I kept on praying on my way to Makati pero gosh late ako! I was late for 13 minutes badtrip! So etoh sa office lutang ang isip... Tama ba naman... Pero sabagay sanay na rin ako... Hmmm for sure after this shift, Valero sessions naman with Yray, Alex and Baj... hehehe...

Sige Lyn kill yourself! Kill yourself!!!

Cry Baby

2006-10-15T04:18:00.000+08:00

I am back at work! I actually feel depressed na naman... I started to realized somethings again about my past months experience (if you know what I'm pertaining to). The sick feeling came over me again... I discovered something and found out that I was lied to again... I actually felt used. Masyado kasi ako pakialamera. I should have mind my own business and ayun may nalaman pa tuloy ako. Everything between us was a lie talaga!!! Same stupid me... I actually felt like crying... I kept on thinking inside... "Why don't you just get over it!!! Damn!"

While I was suffering this very lame feelings of mine, I just learned that it was Pepper's last day here in PBcom. I was not able to stop myself from crying. Good thing I have colds para kala nila sinisipon lang ako. Damned! I just never realized how lonely the day was gonna be... Sobrang alone ang feeling. I surely gonna miss Pepper. Imagine most of my closest friends sa floor ng Bellsouth wala na!. Bjen, Belle, Jeanie, tapos Pepper... my old teammates since I was a Tier 1 agent... They're all gone, moved on with their lives and left PBCom while I on the other hand is still here. I asked myself why I was crying? There's a lot of reasons, nagkapatong patong na lahat ng problem ko - family, financial, and emotional.

At least I heard some good news along the shift. My previous agent, Myla, got promoted as QSP! I was so proud and happy for her. I know that she worked hard for it and she wanted to have freedom. Same freedom, Paul and I were experiencing now... Freedom from Tinky Winky... but the news was not able to uplift my spirits. Sobrang bigat ng feeling. I can't talk to anyone about it. I just kept it inside my heart this heavy burden. I kept on praying, hoping this feeling would be washed away. And God heard my prayer, He brought an angel that would surely make me feel better by making me laugh...

Bjen visited the office for her to complete her clearance. I asked her out and she happily agreed. The thought I was going out with Bjen made me feel better. I was not only smiling but also laughing. Loka loka kasama yun. We just went to the mall and did some window shopping. It was Bjen who did the window shopping pala. Embarassing moment... while Bjen was trying to decide which mascara to buy. I was listening to my MP3. Coolly looking at the shades of nail polish, when I noticed that the sales lady was smiling at me. She was smiling widely and so was another sales lady. I then realized I was singing out loud na pala. Grabe! Hehehe... Who cares! They don't know me naman db?!? And I would surely not go back to that shop for a few months.

As Bjen and I said our goodbyes and agreed on another date to meet again, the sick feeling came back. I really can't help it and can't stop wondering what's happening to me. I texted Sinag and asked her if she has time to meet me the next day so she can accompany me to church. Unfortunately, she can't because she still has classes. Then she asked "Ano ba problema natin?" I suddenly can feel the tears rolling down my cheeks. Her question just striked me that hard. I just texted back that "No worries I'm gonna be okay. Just include me in your prayers." She texted back "ok" with a smile. I continued listening to my MP3s and try to reflect and compose myself with all the mixed emotions that I don't know where it came from. Then I decided that it was so silly of me to cry about these nonsense. I need to be strong and just laugh about all these mixed emotions. With conviction I quietly said "From now on, I decide that I will be happy." I repeated that statement inside my head over and over again. I promised myself that I would stop this nonsense and try to laugh at these stupid nonsense feelings.

So Sick... Badtrip...

2006-10-14T03:25:00.000+08:00

I am not sick of love songs... I just try to avoid them, hehehe...

So sick because I was literally sick during off... badtrip... Before pa mag off I had fever na... I have colds and cough (until now)... in other words i had flu... Bed rest and lotsa water advised by my mom and that's what I did for the past 2 days... I was so damned bored... Then I noticed, lumabas na yung rashes ko because of beer... one bottle of beer and this is the effect... parusa... This is what I get after going to Valero with Yray, Alex and Baj... hehehe Pasaway... May sakit na nga pero sige... I miss the chicharon bulaklak kasi dun... yun lang naman gusto ko dun...

So damned bored sa bahay, good thing I have my cellphone to text my friends and listen to my MP3s. I can't get enough of Craig David's "Dont Love You No More (I'm Sorry)." My sister and I had choreograph a dance step na... although its a sad song pero upbeat kasi yung music nya... I played it over and over again... singing with the song's chorus... chorus lang kasi alam ko... hehehe...

Rain outside my window pouring down
What now, your gone, my fault, I'm sorry
feeling like a fool cause I let you down
now it's, too late, to turn it around
I'm sorry for the tears I made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
you made it clear when you said
I just don't love you no more

I watched a lot of DVDs... lazily lying on our sofa... I also just continued reading Rich Dad and Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki. I would surely create a separate entry for this one. It was very interesting. It talks about making money work for you and not you working for money. Its a funny story how Robert Kiyosaki at the age of 9 learned these skills. I'll give a lot of comments once I finished the book. I know I had this book a long time ago pero didn't have time to read it...

Grabe! If you could only imagine, me a professional bum for two days. I am not used to it. Nate tempt ako lumabas but then besides the fact that I don't have money na... I am still not feeling well. Luckily I survived... I can't afford to be absent... kaya later sureness pasok ako hay... I hate working for money...

Had Fun but Wasted...

2006-10-09T13:12:00.000+08:00

My mom woke me up early in the morning to iron the polo of my dad for work... Grabe naman!!!! I was so damned sleepy and its only 5 a.m. I lazily got up and its like I am half awake and half asleep. Then Ooouuuccchhhh!!!! Grabe, naplantsa ko sarili ko... same spot as before pero maliit lang pero masakit... I immediately went to the bathroom to get some toothpaste and put it on the spot where it hurts most. Natawa na lang ako thinking "Nice way to wake yourself up di ba?"

I went to Marikina to visit my tita and also to get the rent payment of our apartment there. On my way, I was happily listening over and over again to the songs forwarded to me by Jeypi, emo music. Sobrang lakas na isolated lang yung tenga ko for the music only, hehehe... Then nagulat na lang ako when yung magsyota sa harap ko biglang nagsipaan... I pulled out the earphones from my ears immediately, hehehe uzi eh... Obvious masyado... They are just whisphering while arguing. Cute yung guy kamukha ni Miko Sotto. The guy looks like he's gonna cry... "woshoo niloloko ka lang nyan wag ka maniniwala" isip isip ko.... wahehehe... They keep on arguing na nakakahiya na... "My gosh! Wag naman sa public place di ba?" Then bumaba na yung girl... kala ko dedma na yung guy pero ayun sinundan din... When I arrived in my tita's place, bad trip wala pa daw yung money and until now wala pa rin ilaw sa kanila... Tambay tambay lang muna... kinig sa music using my phone... Then umalis na rin... Wala yung mga makukulit kong pamangkin...

I went to Glorietta to meet Bjen, Belle, and Jeanie... Grabe, its been a long time since we went out together... I'm excited to meet Belle since she is already at CVG Commonwealth while Jeanie is working for People Support while Bjen resigned from CVG... Hay, I just realized na lahat ng close friends ko sa office wala na pala... Feeling ko I was the only one left... Lahat bago, ndi ko naman kilala... Even Pepper's gonna leave PBcom na rin pala... huhuhu ayoko na ditoh...

We ate buffet merienda at Dad's. Grabe, sobrang busog ako na feeling ko ndi na ko kakain after two days. I can't breathe... I tried every little thing lahat tinikman ko... We are all busy passing songs with each other using bluetooth. When my friend, Atet called me up saying she wants to meet me. I was surprised... Si Atet nagyayaya gumimik? I know may problema siya and I can sense it on her voice... She didn't sound ok. So I agreed to meet her in UP Dil to pickup Sinag from her masteral class.

Later on another surprise, my cousin texted me asking me to join her watch a movie. She was in Glorietta also. Although I haven't seen her also for months, I declined her invitation and informed her that I already have plans. The most surprise of all my ex-boyfriend texted me asking me to meet up with him. He used the words "Pede ba natin pag-usapan yung tungkol sa tin?" Uhm hello? You ok? I thought. I informed him that I have plans already and he didn't reply na... I was really surprised becoz our last talk didn't go well. He has been my boyfriend for less than a month. After that he stopped talking to me not even a single text... Oh well, I know I had been very clear with our last conversation... Bahala nga siya...

Saying goodbye to Bjen, Jeanie and Belle... made me feel sad... Baka ndi ko na sila makita or makasama after nun... I only have pictures of them... Hay grabe... I need to go ahead of them kasi I'll be meeting Atet pa... Ang sad talaga!!! Bakit ba ganun... Friends come and go in our lives... but then i realize na they will remain forever in your heart...

It's already late... I wouldn't be able to go home and take some rest... Surely more than 24 hours awake na naman ako. Wasted later sa shift 100% sure... I met Atet and Sinag at UP CHE. Grabe its been 3 years since my last visit there... All the memories were coming back... Wala kaming idea kung san kami pupunta... Atet said "Antipolo na lang tau!" "Wow! Sige!" I said excitedly. Hehehe, ang cute ni Atet she's a petite girl pero astig magdrive kala mo reyna ng kalsada. We went to Antipolo... la lang kuwentuhan tungkol sa buhay buhay... Walang inuman... just us, the music and the view... pictures... Nang away ng mga waiter? Hehehe... Basically, girls talk... It really feels good to have talks with them... Marami na naman akong natututunan from their experiences... They give you advices na very helpful... Sobrang tawanan na rin sa mga kabaliwan...

Its really nice to have friends around you... Kahit hindi mo sila araw araw nakikita pero you actually feel confident that they would always be there for you. And I am just so happy and thankful about it...

I Found Myself Again...

2006-10-06T19:35:00.000+08:00

How did I start my day?

Its my off... I was asleep for 12 hours and I can hear my whole family getting ready for the day... From my room... I slowly jumped out of the door and shouted "Good Morning!!!" My sister was laughing becoz I looked silly with my cute sesame street pantulog... I kissed and hugged all of them, my dad who was drinking coffee, my mom who was cooking breakfast, my sister who was eating breakfast, and my brother who was ironing his clothes...

"Ganda ng gising mo ha.." my dad said... I just looked at him and smiled... I asked myself deep inside... "Bakit nga kaya?" Hirit ng sister ko... "Woshoo Papa, nakipagdate yan si Ate kahapon kaya late na umuwi..." "Date ka dyan!!!" I said while I started to make my first cup of coffee for the day... "Aalis ka ba?" my mom asked me... "Nope, dito lang ako.." sipping my coffee... "Good, maglaba ka at linisan mo yung agiw sa bintana..." "Sure" I smiled... "Eh bukas, aalis ka?" my mom was looking at me skeptically... "Yup, may ultimate gala ako..." grabbing a plate... "San ka na naman pupunta?" "Wala po... basta..."

I was writing our family conversation this morning becoz I missed them so much. I missed having this kind of conversation with them... I am happy becoz I found myself again...

If you're gonna read my last entry... I was really devastated during those times... But things had changed after the storm or rather after the typhoon Milenyo... I thought it would take me months for me to overcome such feeling... and stupidity... Hehehe... But here I am... Back to the old me... Ay ndi pala... old plus new me...

I reflected on the things that happened to me these past few months and I realized I missed myself. So today, I happily cooked my all time favorite piniñahang manok. My metikulosa lola, who was an expert cook, approved my cooking and she was surprised. Wala kasing tiwala yun eh. She didn't know I can cook. I continued with my chores then while fixing our CDs, I found a classical music CD sent to us by Readers Digests... "Wow", I said. I mmediately played the CD and I just recalled how I liked classical music... Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata, Bach's Air on the G String, Bizet's Toreador Song from the musical "Carmen."

SOUND TRIP iToh!

I hummed with it while mopping our floor, hehehe, feeling Cinderella ba? I got inspired again to pursue studying on how to play musical instruments like the violin and organ... Hehehe someday... I sat down and closed my eyes listening to it. It was so relaxing... I started smiling and it felt so light...

After the sound trip, I asked my dad to give me a ride to the parlor for a nice pedicure. I also wanted to have motorcycle driving lessons... I drove our motorcycle with my dad telling me how and when to shift gears... I am planning to have my driver's license this December and if that happens, I will drive to Tagaytay, Batangas or kahit saan... I almost bumped into another motorcycle and instead of using my breaks I used my feet to stop the motorcycle parang sa bike... buti na lang ang bagal namin... and also instead of using th clutch to shift gears, break pala yung tinatapakan ko... hahahaha... I know, I have a long way to go... I still have two months to practice pa naman...

While writing this entry, I also organized my inbox when I came across this email sent to me by a close friend, James... Hindi naman maiiwasan na bumaba yung self-esteem mo after being in a situation that would make you sad di ba? Mr. Jose, as I call him, was a good friend of mine during the toughest days of my life when I was in Cavite... He was there to cheer me up and the last thing I heard about him was he went to Dubai... after that no communication at all... until this email, which has uplifted my spirits and made me miss him...

This is his email, sent last Sunday, September 10, 2006:

mwah! yup buhay na buhay po ako... wala pa kong friendster nakikigamit me ng acct. wala na rin me munang bagong no. and yes this is a new email acct sa friends kaw lang kinontact ko kasi miss na miss na kita!!!. i'm ok... i just want to isolate myself muna... parang ndi nag eexist... weird ba? ahehehe... sa convergys ka pa rin ba work... hanep mag reply alas dos ng umaga... nung isang araw pa kita naisip eh siguro lagi mo kong naiisip kaya ganun... ESP... wahehehe... of cors i miss you... i made a list of why and what i miss most about you... matagal na tong listahan na toh... hehehe corny pero totoo...

I MISS YOU...

1. becoz parang nanay ka kung mag-alaga kaya mahal na mahal ka ng mga kapatid mo at mga magulang mo... may monumento ka na nga eh... isa kang dakila! miss ko na baked macaroni mo...

2. becoz of your scent... grabe bumili na ko ng pabango mo at inispray ko sa unan ko para maamoy lang kita...

3. becoz of your smile, yup pati yung kita gums mo na smile, wahehehe joke!!! oo nga pala na explain mo na sa kin kung bakit ganun...

4. becoz of your laugh, yung sobrang lakas at walang poise mong tawa na ndi ko alam kung turn on or turn off kasi ang cute mo... ok lang kasi bumebenta joke ko sau...

5. kasi PDA ka! lagi kang nakahawak sa braso ko (kinikilig naman ako) na akala ng iba na bf mo ko pero ndi naman ganun ka lang tlga... hay :-(

6. lalo na the way you look pag nagdadasal ka at kasama kita magsimba... naalala ko nun dati sabi mo na pag ang isang tao nakasama mo magsimba, it means na may blessing from God na that person you're with to enter your life...

naalala mo yung joke nung pari about sa bata at si Mama Mary, grabe natapos na yung misa tatawa tawa ka pa rin dun sa joke... babaw mo tlga...

7. lalo na yung times whenever you ask for the window seat coz u like looking at the sexy girls sa billboards --- hehehe tibo! ay ndi pala bi ka! ---- and forming shapes/ things sa clouds na parang bata kasi puno ng excitement yung mata mo... same way sa pagkafascinate mo sa sky and stars...

8. kasi isa kang adik!!! adik sa kape... ikaw lang ata yung kilala ka ko na pangarap na maging kape ang kanyang dugo... oist tigilan mo na yan... masama yan...

9. lalo na yung time na pinakita mo sa kin yung nunal mo sa arm na wento mo ay may kaparehong nunal din ang sister mo and mom mo, same spot and same ang itsura... ang sexy kasi eh... ahahaha...

10. becoz u like to pretend that u are stupid, to make u look dumb or innocent... pero hinding hindi naman ikaw ganun... nahuli kita!!! u like asking stupid questions to test how smart the person is and how would that person impress you... u like smart people (like me, ahahaha)... u like to test them (bad ka!!!)

11. kasi wala ng pumupunit ng damit ko pag na nonood tau ng nakakatakot or iiyak sa shoulder ko pagnanonood ng madramang movie --- like ur all tme favorite... madrasta...

mahaba pa yan pero yan lang muna... oist wag kang iiyak kilala kita... madrama ka eh at iyakin... miss lang tlga kita... oo nga pala db single ka ngyn... date tayo... mwah!!!

I cried twice while reading this email. He always make me feel that I am a special and beautiful person... kahit dati pa when we we're in Cavite... I know minsan lang ikaw makahanap ng ganung tao pero iba si James... He always see's me as an independent person and he encourages me on everything I do... I sure do miss him pero etoh... hindi na naman nagpaparamdam kahit ilang email ka na... I always treat him as my older brother who is always there to put smile on my face...

After the Storm comes the Sunshine

2006-10-03T16:38:00.000+08:00

Before the typhoon Milenyo, I was so damned sad about life... my sister got confined in the hospital. It took days before the doctor was able to diagnose that it was typhoid fever. Her condition became critical last September 28. She had a seizure. I was so damned worried that I called the office and asked for an emergency leave. I was crying on the phone when I talked to my TL. I stayed with her at the hospital until she woke up the next morning. She looked fine again. She said that I must not be worried because she's gonna train me again to play basketball and would like to beat the mayabang UST varsity players. I just smiled at her. Then the lights went off. I can hear the wind whistling. It was scary. I stayed with my sister and I make kuwento about silly makeup fairytales to ease our boredom. We were both laughing about it.

The wind and rain outside banged the windows. I peeked to the window and saw that the hospital billboard was flying with the wind... This situation has happened before with super typhoon Rosing, 6 years ago... The typhoon was starting to bore me. My sister was sleeping. I went to the nurse station and talked to the pretty nurse, Shiela. I saw a weighing scale that I weighed myself... OMG! from 140lbs to 128lbs... I got alarmed. I never noticed I was losing that much weight. Its not normal to lose more than 2lbs per week. I know I need to keep track on the food I eat and make sure I eat properly...

I went back to my sister, who was awake with a high fever... She asked me to play dugtungan ng kanta with her. I started singing "Buchikik" by Yoyoy Villame... She laughed so hard that we sang together making our own lyrics of the song. Then my mom finally arrived with my dad. She brought food and started to chat about their adventures through the storm on their way to the hospital. I wanted to go home. On our way home, I was surprised... Grabe na yung damaged sa mga puno, bubong at poste... mother nature talaga...

The next days... OFF...

I don't want to bore myself because there's still no electricity. So I wrote down my goals and the things I've learned and realized about my experiences for the past months. I prayed... Na sana magkalabas na si Eli and also sana magkaroon na ng electricity... and it did happen!!! I was surprised... Bait talaga ni Lord..

So Lovestory in Harvard marathon toh... grabe naiyak ako... Then my sister wanted to watch UAAP 2nd game with 1-0 in favor to Ateneo. Grabe ang cute ni Chris Tiu of Ateneo... sabi ng sis ko eskinol boy?!? Whatever... My sister was cheering for Ateneo and of course dun ako sa kalaban para may asaran... Parang ndi galing sa sakit ang loka loka pero wahahaha... talo sila... UST UST UST U U U U UST... hehehe... tambak pa!

My sister was tired... she went to sleep... I just looked at her... Sadness was suddenly washed away. I smiled at myself thinking, "everything's gonna be okay".

If You Like Someone...

2006-09-20T16:29:00.000+08:00

...you would surely act STUPID!

Hay, its been quite awhile since I posted here... I have been busy with a lot of things... But the most important thing that happened to me for the past months was... I started to like someone... Remember the younger guy? Hehehe... We continued dating and it was so nice... Like any girl, feeling heaven ang araw mo lagi... He was my officemate... I liked talking to him... I liked being with him... We just enjoy each other's company. Up to the point that I became confused with my feelings... I became so moody and can't explain what I'm feeling most of the time...

But being with him made me realize how I hate liars... I really hate LIARS... Even though we're together there has been a lot of doubts inside me... feeling ko lagi may tinatago siya... there was this time na feeling ko kerida ako... ahahaha... Although we're not officially together pero the reason you're dating a person is because you are looking for potential boyfriend or girlfriend right? Someone whom you'll like to have a romantic relationship with... Until umabot yung time na nabuking ko siya... Ouch!

As in ouch! Pero being the stupid one... you still believe whatever he says coz you start to feel scared of losing him... I stayed with him... Even though there was little trust left... Pero unfortunately... nabuking ko na naman siya!!!

I would not go through the details... but I really feel stupid... Stupid kasi I can't stay mad at him!!! I still want to see him! I still talk to him! Its sad isn't it... When will I get over him po kaya... I tried to concentrate on improving myself... pero ang hirap... I don't go out with him though pero I still can't help missing him...

I'll b over him soon... Right now... we're in speaking terms... trying to be friends with him like nothing happened... Mahirap kasi whenever I see him, it hurts a lot... Yung feeling mo na you want to go back to him and makinig sa lahat ng bola at kasinungalingan nya... hehehe...

Problema talaga itoh!!! Hay, God help me talaga po...

Curse Home Networking!

2006-07-20T18:30:00.000+08:00

Leche! Kamote!

Hay, I just came from training for Home Networking... Our account would be supporting 2 or more computers including wireless... I am so bad trip because I am so clueless... As I have mentioned I am not technical... I know that I was promoted into a level two tech but honestly all my knowledge about computers I learned it during my one year experience on the floor... Now we have a new support, I honestly don't have any idea. Imagine tier 1 agents and tier 2 have the same training... tapos escalate nila sa min for advanced troubleshooting steps... isang malaking HELLO!!!

Hay naku, toxic for these past few days... I really don't want to go work na... I can't answer most of my agents questions... kaasar talaga... Buti nga sila they're handling the call... eh kami we're giving advice na wala naman experience... hay... I can't resign naman... Tapos wala pang dagdag sa pay...

Ggrrr talaga!!!!

Playing Hooky

2006-07-08T18:24:00.000+08:00

I always promised that I would never be absent from work. I am trying my best to earn my sick leaves so that I would have a memorable vacation to Boracay with my friends next summer. But I was not able to keep my promise. I was absent today and I played hooky...

Its been more than a year since I heard anything from one of my closest friend in college, Atet. I dont know what happened but her old number wasn't working. I left a lot of messages on her friendster which she hadn't checked for months. I was actually worried. I kept on thinking what happened to her. We have no communication for one year. I miss hanging out with her. We usually laughed about all out kapalpakan and loved imagining things... crazy things that you might think so mababaw but for us we can't help laughing about it. It was fun being with her. Another thing that I liked about her was she listens. I can confide to her whatever is on my mind. She is also bitchy in a cute nice way. A girl with a very strong personality and has very little patience (when I say little, I mean it).

The other night, Sinag texted me saying that she has Atet's new number. She has a co-teacher (she teaches in UPdil na pala) who used to work in Nestle Phils. I was surprised when she was able to contact her and gave my number. Atet texted me and I was so happy, it almost made me cry. We decided to meet up last Saturday. I don't care when and where basta mag meet kami...

Saturday morning, my mom and I had a huge fight. It all started when our stupid dog ruined my favorite green bag. I am not burara!!! My bags are neatly kept inside a box but that stupid dog felt comfortable on that box that I didnt know he started using the box as his sleeping area!!!! Its really hard arguing with your parents especially if you're earning more than them. They would think na sinusumbatan mo sila... I hate it. I think I was starting to hate my family. Iniisip ko that I have done a lot of sacrifices for them na. I know I sound so bad and selfish but I'm only 25!!! I can't believe that it is happening to me to be responsible for my family, to provide for them. Sometimes I think that I have given too much... Too much that I'm starting to take myself for granted... I am starting to lose myself... I can't argue anymore, napapagod na ko dahil kahit ano naman paliwanag mo yun pa rin naman ang iisipin nila. They will not listen. They would judge you immediately na sinusumbatan mo sila when hindi naman...

My eyes were all so puffy. I have a shift that night, need to meet up Randy for the business and meet my college friends... Its a good thing I'm gonna meet some people whom I can vent out what I am feeling that day. After the meeting with Randy, I went straight to Gateway to meet my friends. There I saw Atet and Sinag... Grabe, buo na naman barkada!!! It was just like yesterday na ang favorite tambayan lang namin is Sunken Garden with kwek kwek and squid balls as our chibog. Now its different, I have two friends who have careers, a teacher and a medrep, who has a cool car, while I on the other hand a supervisor/product specialist in a call center. Parang kelan lang noh... Ang tanda na pala namin hehehe... Atet complimented me on how I look. She was surprised coz nag-aayos na daw ako... Hmmm true aminado dahil nung college wala me pakialam sa itsura ko. She also complimented me on how I loss weight even Sinag was surprised kahit one month lang kami last nagkita. I just say my usual excuse na broken hearted ako, hehehe as if! The truth is stressed lang sa work and sa bahay.

As usual wento wento what happened about our lives. We need to update Atet since she was the one who miss all the happenings in our lives. She also told us about herself and her last relationship. She treated us for dinner. It was nice seeing her again. When I was about to leave for work. Atet suggested na next time videoke kami. Then I thought why not now? So I played hooky. I called MOD and pretend that I am not feeling well. I am so happy although this is not my first time playing hooky. I just miss my friends and I am not in the mood for work that day. We went to Music One and sang all our heats out... I noticed na ang theme ng mga songs namin ay for broken hearted... Three single girls just enjoying the night...

Since, my parents know that I went to work... I can't go home... So I slept over with Sinag instead... Nagkuwentuhan pa kami... I really enjoyed the night... Nawala lahat ng sama ng loob ko... parang ayaw ko na umuwi at pumasok... Hay after this back to routine na naman ang life...

I, Goddess

2006-06-28T02:23:00.000+08:00

I got the title of this blog entry on one of the chapters of the book entitled, "Sexy, Sassy, Singularly Happy, The Savvy Girl's Guide to Enjoying the Single Life" by Marivi Soliven Blanco... I read it during my off and do you know who gave this book to me? It was my father... He gave it a long time ago and I just read it now... Surprising isn't it?! I actually don't why my dad gave me this book nor know where he got it since he's not the type who will try to spot a book of this title...

I, Goddess, saying it aloud makes me smile... It makes me feel proud and confident (hehehe)... I recall a friend in college, she calls our small group in Chem 40 lab as "grupo ng mga diosa." We always make fun of it that we associate our diosa attitude on all our actions and decisions in class... Oh well it lasted for a sem but it was fun...

According to the book that each one of us women has a genuine Goddess, special issue tucked somewhere between our hearts and out feral instincts. (naks naman!) The book is basically about enjoying SINGLE life. I can relate to most topic the book had discussed. The idea of women about getting married. going on dates and all the flip flops of surviving the real world being single...

I know, I know. Although I haven't made much entry about my single life, for the past weeks... I think that I had exhausted myself of doing something single girls do ridiculously...trying her best to find a man...

I went on a blind date... what happened?!? Nothing... after promising me a second date... WALA! No phone call or text message for one week... I am actually disappointed because I like this guy... as in!!! Although I have the feeling that we didn't click when we met becoz I was quiet most of the time and we talked about the same subject over and over again... Why? Because I like HIM! And I feel like I am a high school student who couldn't think straight infront of my crush... I can't say anything interesting... I just sit there and batter my eyelashes, sighing... so dumb isn't it?!? I actually feel like a parrot... repeating what he just said... so stupid!!! Ganun talaga ako pag nagka crush... natutulala... parang tanga... If I have a crush on you, I'll talk to all the people who is around you except YOU because I'm scared na baka mahalata mo na crush kita!!! Parang high school talaga and I hate myself for that... I thought I had already outgrown that attitude pero hindi pa pala... A reason why I'm scared of meeting people (I met online) who I like... Meeting them on an EB is a big deal for me... Its taking the next level... After a week, I met him online again and he apologized making dumb excuses why he did not contact me after our date... He just announced that he already has a girlfriend, committed and happy... As in waaahhhh, I felt so stupid! As if a cold water was splashed into my face at that moment... All I can do is just act as if I'm happy for HIM but actually I felt devastated deep inside... brokenhearted... I realized after meeting HIM, that I should continue to improve myself and develop my talents... Well, I need to take this in a positive way... I promised myself that next time I'm going out on a date... I would date like a man... without much preparation and expectation about the outcome... ( that's the advice of the the book that I just read)

After the unsuccessful date... I had a relationship... weird noh... I was actually having second thoughts on this but I decided GO, GO, GO... But it didn't work out... I reflected on it and I just realized that I am pressuring myself too much... I can't be on a relationship with all the responsibilities that I have for my family right now... It would just be too unfair for my partner and at the same time I am not sure if I have feelings for him or not... We just said our goodbyes and that's it... but I kept my "in a relationship" status on my friendster account... And I also deleted my pseudo friendster account... My heart is too tired that I think it could not handle another heart break... My officemates noticed that I am blooming... that's actually my way of handling a broken, frustrated heart... I always make sure that I am and I feel beautiful about myself to boost my self esteem again...

After the unsuccessful relationship, somebody asked me out to watch a movie... I don't know... I think I was the one who asked him out... basta malabo... can't recall na... we watched Superman - very disappointing movie... I like Superman as I have mentioned on my last last post... kaso I just don't like the story... Brandon was good looking. Its surprising that he looked like Christopher Reeves, kaso nothing beats the original talaga... - I don't think that when we went out its considered as a date naman... Its just like meeting a new friend... I would not mention his name for now but he was my officemate and was much younger than me... It was like I was going out with my brother... He is younger than my brother!!! But he's nice... I actually like his company...

After reading the book, I can say that I am challenged to continue to improve myself... I promised that I would take it easy, no pressure... I'll just continue enjoying my single life 'coz...

I... am a Goddess... ahahahahaha!!!

;-)

Happy Birthday to Me!!!

2006-06-09T20:06:00.001+08:00

Its been 5 hours and 6 minutes now of being a 25 year old woman... Silver anniversary daw... How's my birthday? It was like any ordinary days the only difference was you have all your friends texting you happy birthday and asking you to treat them pizza... I was surprised because even my long lost friends suddenly shows up greeting you and saying how they missed you... I was really touched by these actions... I was not aware na I have friends pala... ehehehe

When I woke up, the first thing I did was pray... I prayed so hard that tears rolled down on my cheeks... What did I pray for? Well of course, I had been thankful for all the blessings that He gave me... imagine 25 years... Although I've been thru a lot, He has always been there for me... My major concern was for Him to ease the emptiness that I've been feeling on and off for the past 2 years... I don't know but its getting more often. I was thinking that maybe I was feeling this way because I haven't been in a relationship for a long time na... Sabagay I never had a serious one.. but I was thinking that I can be happy naman right even if I am single... I can be fulfilled... (o see I was really thinking a lot). I recalled what Naqs told me when we met the other day... Kaya daw boring ang tingin ko sa buhay ko is because I have nobody special to share it with... aaawwwww.... sakit... I honestly wanted to have one but whenever I give it a try its not falling into place like what I expected. Its either I'll end up getting hurt, disappointed or wala lang... I admit that I am actually looking for The ONE (not JetLi) but corny to say True Love... I honestly don't know na... It would be too hard for me to explain what I wanted... The question is do I know what I want?!? Hmmmm....

I was awake the whole afternoon... kept on watching DVDs. I planned to go to St. Jude Thaddeus near Malacañang to attend the mass and novena... Its been a long time since I went there. I left the house at around 5:30pm... On my way to church grabe I realized I was going to be late so I decided not to go na lang... I went to Powerbooks Greenbelt instead and read while listening to my MP3s... I picked a novel of Jane Green entitled Straight Talking. It's all about the dating world and a 30-year old woman who has been searching for The ONE... It was funny but still haven't finished that book yet.

Around 9:30pm I stood up and started walking along the Ayala Walk way... It was actually creepy because there's very few people who were walking along... You can hear the footsteps clearly just like in a Twilight Zone episode. I tried to shift my thoughts to my life again... I said to myself its gonna be a long walk... My birthday is almost over and it was as if it didnt happen... Loneliness started seeping inside me again... I can feel the butterflies inside my stomach... My MP3 was playing You First Believe by Hoku, but All by Myself by Celine Dion was the song that was playing inside my head... I looked around and I saw a pair of middle aged women holding hands. The other obviously looked like lesbo... Then it crossed my mind... Oo nga noh, why don't I change my gender preference and turn into gay.... Eeeeewwww... Nah, don't like that idea... No offense but... nah never mind... Although most guys thought I was one becoz of my "lesbo action" to my female friends (duh?!)... I like admiring beautiful women daw (becoz I want to be like them)... I can look at FHM pictures without the yuck! yuck! yuck! expression... In other words I can be one of the boys.... but why can't I have one of the boys....

When I arrived at the office my kuhlet kuhlet teammates sang happy birthday and rapped about free pizza... tsk tsk tsk... sorry na lang I don't have money na eh... I'm sat at my station closed my eyes, took three deep breathes... Happy Birthday Rosalyn... and I'm back to business....

Room for Squares

2006-06-02T06:16:00.000+08:00

I was really depressed since my last post. A lot of things already happened and don't have time to post anything here on my blog. I actually got inspired again by other bloggers like Cofibean (http://cofibean.blogspot.com) kahit na he's so mean to call center people but I still like him coz he sounds so stupid and self-centered, then there's Laxie (http://www.lagsh.com) a very young Brodcom student from UP Dil, very talented, I think I have a crush on him ehehehe... Reading their articles made me realize a lot of things, the things that I usually take for granted. I am inspired with their style of writing the way they express themselves. Its a relief that after typing your blog entry, you are not only making kuwento what happened or what realizations you had but was able to express yourself creatively.

I'll try to recall everything that happened after my last post. Another thing why I am not able to post any article on my blog is because its a blocked website sa office. I was able to write this entry while doing the best thing on earth... and that is not doing anything at ALL... in filipino slang Petiks... I used a proxy server called Freedom to bypass the Convergys firewall so that I can post this article.

Room For Squares... album of John Mayer... La lang I like that album eh... I actually bought the album on cassette tape (uso pa un noon) and I played it every night over and over again until I fell asleep.

1. 83

I've these dreams I'm Walking home Home when it used to be And everything is As it was Frozen in front of me Here I stand 6 feet small romanticizing years ago it's a bitter sweet feeling hearing "Wrapped Around Your Finger" on the radio and these days I wish I was 6 again Oh make me a red cape I wanna be Superman

Reading the lines above is what exactly I am thinking when I went back to Laguna. YES... I'm back to LAGUNA...

My family and I had discussed the issue about money. It was like a Focus Group Discussion.We were all sitting in our dinning room discussing what we should or need to do with our family crisis. Our small business which is our tindahan is now closed, and my dad doesnt have a job becoz of that f*cking homeowners association... in other words I am the sole breadwinner of the family. It was really very difficult taking the responsibility of feeding 6 persons and paying all the house bills. I know I sound bad. I am not complaining. I am actually happy that I can share the blessing that God gave me. Its just that It was such big responsibility that I have to make great sacrifices. I am not madamot, you can ask anyone from my family. Its just that I hate it whenever I am pressured. I always think of myself as the Ate in the family who is there willing to provide for them. My dad is already 54 yrs. old It would be difficult for him to get a well-paying job. We don't have a business to run. But I can see the efforts of each family members naman. My dad applied for a call center agent position. He is currently on training and hopefully pass it. My brother also tried to apply to call centers (I made him apply) but unfortunately he did not pass the interviews. My mom was back to the housewife role that cooks for the family and do some household chores. She actually treat me like a baby, which I honestly hate. The actions na when you wake up the food was already prepared all you need to do is eat it. My clothes for work are already prepared all I need to do is take a bath and wear it... Its really weird... Hindi ako sanay... I am usually independent and mas sanay akong ako ang nagsisilbi instead na pinagsisilbihan... I told my mom na wag na gagawin sa kin yun kasi I feel so useless pag sa bahay and I hate it...

During these depressing times, I wanted to go back to the days of childhood wherein there's nothing to worry about and all you need to do was play, eat and sleep. Being a grown up is too much. I want to breakdown sometimes. You might tell me that I am being exaggerated but its true isnt it? Haven't anyone here got that feeling sometimes... At least if you're a kid you have nothing to worry about...You are filled with hopes and dreams... you believe on something that might or might not be real... You just learn about reality as you grow up... Can you still remember yung kuwentong kisses... yung air freshner na maliliit na bilog bilog... when I was a kid I believe na nanganganak yun... as in madami akong ganun nung bata ako... but as I grow up of course hindi pala totoo... but I was furious nung nadiscover ko... I just realized how stupid I am for believing such lie...

I like believing in superheroes. They're my favorite TV show like Shaider, Maskman but originally I like Superman, thats exactly what I wanted to be when I was a kid and now that I'm a grown up... Although, I know that Superman has super powers and was physically strong. But he has emotions that surely can feel pain, anger, happiness, depression, emptiness, and a lot more. He is not even human, he was raised by a human and its also part of his nature.I wanted to be Superman... probably the Superman with physical strength so that I can do multi tasking. If its possible for me to have another job then why not... the Superman with emotional strength although the he doesn't actually possess this power... But the purpose of his powers are to help... I want to be him so I can be stronger and be able to help other people endlessly... Ready to save lives...

But all I can do was wish... I am no Superman... all I can do is to live up to whats expected of me...

2. Love Song for No One

Searching all my days just to find you I'm not sure who I'm looking for I'll know it When I see you Until then, I'll hide in my bedroom Staying up all night just to write A love song for no one

How to find Mr. Right? Gosh I'm so sick of this question... I'm turning 25... I honestly wanted to have boyfriend... I can't see any potentials on any of my male officemates. So I went back to the what I used to do is try to meet potential partners in a chatroom... For some people its not a good place to find one. But how would I know? I met my first boyfriend in a chatroom... I don't meet a lot of people naman... I usually go with the same crowd that I have... So I started chatting... as usual most of them are no good male guys who are very much interest in SEB... I don't give in to those kind of shit! Mah Ged baka mamya magka AIDS ka ba dyan noh... Looking at John Mayer's lyrics carefully: Searching all my days just to find you I'm not sure who I'm looking for I'll know it When I see you Until then, I'll hide in my bedroom Staying up all night just to write A love song for no one, are the exact words for me... I'm tired of being alone...

But after all the chatting I realized that I'm a big tease...
spell it T E A S E... I'm very good with words to get the guy interested in me. I even created a pseudo account on friendster and posted my pictures there... Binebenta ko na ata ang sarili ko... Of course they would want to meet me in person... dyan dyan ako talo... I wouldnt dare to meet up with them... why? I don't know probably becoz I'm scared. Scared of what? What will happen, if they're gonna like me or not, and vice versa... Its scary meeting people that you don't know but I realize na lahat naman ng kakikilala mo ngayon ay stranger naman before ndi ba... So pede rin... why not... but I can't... I really can't... Let me tell you about the guys that I was able to chat with...

Mitch: Japanese cutie... one damn horny bum... very naughty... who always talked about sex... well what wrong with the subject of sex.. we just talk about it...

Erwin: who was so kuhlet to meet me.. but i dont want to... he tried his best to convince me but eventually siya rin nagsawa...

Carl: the super duper yabang guy na inaway ko... I made a pseudo account for friendster and I posted some pictures. He was actually very nice at first thats why I was kind of interested to know him. He kept on asking what I looked like and I told him that he can check my friendster account and he asked if I looked pretty I told him that I'm not... He said ay wag na lang... chat na lang kami...he doesnt even want to look at it... becoz he doesnt want to look at ugly pictures so masisira lang daw mood nya... kups tlga... i posted my email account and asked for his.... inaway ko cya kasi mayabang cya... i mean beauty is subjective... as the saying goes "beauty depends on the eyes of the beholder" after that I didnt talk to him... I looked into his friendster account... ndi naman sa namimintas he was not good looking plus he was fat AS IN... i mean how can he be so mean with not good looking people when he was not good looking himself... so masama na nga itsura nya masama pa ugali tsk tsk tsk major problem... but he keep on texting me after that and nakita ko tiningnan nya yung profile ko including my pix... he kept on texting me as if ndi ako nagalit sa kanya.. it was like he was reporting whatever he was doing... so i texted him and said

SALLY: i think you're texting the wrong person
CARL: sayo ba na send Sally?
SALLY: yes..
CARL: sayo tlga yan Sally.
SALLY: ah tlga really I'm surprised.
CARL: sayo tlga yan Sally
SALLY: ah okei, the reason why I'm surprised kasi i thought you dont like unattractive girls.
CARL: so you think you are unattractive? coz i don't..
SALLY: yup
end of conversation...

Naqs: cool guy, musically inclined, very talented... actually i liked him up to the point na naging stalker na ko thru his cellphone... he actually wanted to meet me but i'm having second thoughts 'coz i like him... for me thats not a good sign... i'm scared meeting people i like... scared becoz i might not like him as i would expect... or he might not like me... scared of rejection... which is normal...

and then there's a surprise... Joel, one of my former chat mates 3 yrs ago PM me asking for my no. tsk tsk tsk... im just surprised at nabuhay cya... but of course I didnt reply to his message... yoko nga...

oh well so far thats all i can remember... my plain boring life... madami pa sana kasi i cant recall na...I have to deal whatever I have now but I'm still so damned bored with my life... So help me po Lord God...

Death of an Angel

2006-04-20T16:47:00.000+08:00

I can feel tear drops rolling down my cheeks right now.. It has been a very sad experience...

What's every woman's dream ba? Probably not all but most woman wanted to have a child right? A baby... My friend says that its a woman's trophy... I myself wanted to have one... I even consider having one even without a husband around. Kaso its not easy, just what i have expected.

A few months ago, my cousin texted me and she said that she's pregnant! She's having a baby! I am so surprised thinking she was a virgin, ndi na pala... At first I felt envious, at the age of 24 she's gonna have a baby... wow! That's what I wanted before but looking at her situation mahihirapan siya. The father of the baby is already married pero nasa US ang wife and kids nito. I know hindi tama.. What will happen to her and her baby pag nagkataon dahil aalis na rin ang guy this coming month of May... I was the one worried for her! I was the one who's problematic... The night when she told me, she said na I was the first to know cause she trusts me. We're bestfriends. I was the one who was not able to sleep the whole night. After a few weeks, we finally met and talked I can see in her eyes that she was so excited and happy. She is not thinking what other people might say, even what her mother would say. She wanted to keep the baby and she is so happy. She was talking happily about her plans. How cute those baby bottles that she's planning to buy. That she even bought baby dresses na! And there I was listening to her excitement with a worried look at my face. Why? Of course I am happy for my soon to be pamangkin... pero how can I be happy when she doesnt have a permanent job. The father of the baby wouldnt be there to support her. She surely wouldnt get any support from her family... (I know better!) I am sure that she wouldnt have a place to go when her mom finds out. But she's HAPPY!

Yesterday she texted saying that she's bleeding. It happened before pero nawala rin pero iba daw feeling nya... I am so damned worried. She was borrowing money from me, kahit I only have enough yung pambayad ko ng credit card I am willing to sacrifice para mapacheck up siya. Even though I am so sleepy and sobrang init paglabas ng office, I went to Marikina to meet her. She looks so pale and harass. Tumakas lang daw siya sa kanila... We went to the OB GYNE. Grabe I never went to an ob gyne before... kinakabahan ako... Of course my bubbly cousin makes me smile. Pero nun seryoso na... she was crying kasi nag-away na naman sila ng mama nya and how worried she is coz dinudugo cya. The doctor recommend her na magpa ultra sound coz she was supposed to be 3 months pregnant but she cant hear the heartbeat. Nagpa ultra sound siya and when she left the room she was crying so hard. Her baby was dead. I cried with her. Grabe sobrang niyakap nya ko... I cant breathe. I myself dont know what to say. I just let her cry it all out. Her little angel as what she called died. The nurse gave me the result of the ultrasound and I saw the fetus picture. It was 17mm and it was really tragic. I can feel na yung nag-iisang mahalaga sa kanya nawala pa. I wanted to die with her. She was crying and all I can do was try to think positive about things.

Death of an angel. An angel that would surely make this woman happy was gone. Its heartbreaking seeing someone you care for lose all her hopes. Her mom found out kasi we need 7,ooo pesos para magparaspa. We dont have that amount of money, so we have no choice but to tell them. She said that she can't cry no more. Manhid na siya sa sinasabi ng mom nya. She wanted to be a mom that her mom was never to her. I understand her. As much as I want to do something to ease her pain, I honestly dont know what to do.

DISTURBED: Pucha! I hate this feeling tlga!

2006-04-18T02:08:00.000+08:00

WHAT AM I THINKING AT THIS VERY POINT?!?

Clueless na naman of course... Thats always the reason why I usually write here on my blog... the purpose so that I can vent out all my frustrations in life... I know that I havent posted any entries here for more than three months already... I was just busy plus blocked website na toh sa office so I need to download freedom pa before I can post anything... Kahit friendster bokya...

CLUELESS?!? Actually, I honestly feel like crying... (with Without You by Charlie Wilson playing on the background). WHY?!? I actually dont know.... Kaya nga clueless eh... I feel so empty inside na naman... All I did was look at my friends friendster account and I realized that there's a lot of things that I'm missing out there! I am way behind! I want to explore more... I want to be happy, feel fulfilled... Grabe soon to be 25 yrs old na ko and I feel like I'm an adolescent trying to find who I really was... Most people of my age are planning to get married, are married and have kids...

Am I normal?!? Or abnormal lang tlga! Leche talaga!!!!

Siguro bitter lang tlga feeling ko ngyn... I know naman what am I supposed to do pag ganito ang feeling ko... and that is to pull up myself and try to reflect... I need space or try something new and interresting...

Pero naiiyak pa rin ako!!!! Why?!? I actually deny it... but deep inside I know the reason... a LOT of reasons... I just feel lonely right now...

(coz my sun doesn't shine... sun doesn't shine without you....)

Goodbye 2005 Welcome 2006

2006-01-09T13:40:00.000+08:00

I know its been more than a week already since New Year, but it still my topic. I cant believe that its already 2006! I usually write down my New Year's resolutions for me to do and at the end of the reflect on it. Then try to internalized if I was able to accomplish these resolutions. My friend once told me, bakit pa? Eh you can do naman resolutions or changes even its not New Year naman di ba? I agree with her, everyday naman you can start to decide that I will not do this and that anymore... Pero iba pa rin pag New Year... You are filled with hopes and determination that this year 2006 will be different and something lovely will happen to you...

Lets start first with 2005... Closing the book kung baga... Last year was a great year as compared with 2003 and 2004... Of course I wont forget those years... Those are the years that truly changed my life... The hardest years of my life...

Let's just hope for the best this year...

Not A Merry Christmas

2005-12-30T11:59:00.000+08:00

Christmas Eve, I have work that day... I need to go to the office at 2pm. Like Cinderella at the strike of 12 0'clock I hurriedly asked my brother to bring me to Pacita, San Pedro using our motorcycle. On our way, I felt that something is just not right that night. Most of the time naman hinahatid nya ako dati pa... but that night is different... We almost bumped into a tricycle that crossed the street from nowhere... We almost tripped on a big rock that is on the highway... My brother even stopped kasi kala nya flat kami... He dropped me at Alabang kasi walang masakyan sa Pacita... I didnt say goodbye to him nor thank you becoz I was trying to catch the bus that was about to leave...

At work, I happily chatted with my officemates. Had a good team meeting but then my sister texted me... She said that my brother had an accident while on his way home from Alabang!!! I was shocked and so damned worried about what exactly happened to him. I really felt like crying at that moment but I tried to hide my worries from my officemates and becoz I dont want to think worse things that might've happened to him. But I cant concentrate. So I asked my TL to go on undertime... My TL agreed and I immediately went home.

My brother was sleeping when I arrived home. I saw his bruises and his face particularly his nose looked deformed... He looked pale and weak... My mother was making breakfast when I arrived home. She looked tired and I was really worried. She didn't say a word. She sipped her coffee quietly. My dad went home from work... I know he didnt sleep also... He said that he can't bring my brother to any hospital coz its a holiday and no doctor was on duty. So we waited until the next day luckily its my off. My mom brought my brother to Perpetual Biñan but still their EENT doctors are on leave. They tried Biñan Doctors. The masungit doctor said that my brother needs an immediate operation and we need to pay 10,000 pesos as down payment... (down payment lang yun ha!)

10,000 pesos... of course we don't have that amount of money... My mom was crying so hard on the phone that she can't speak clearly... My dad was busy naman with my brother's case. I really don't know what to do... My mom said na uuwi na lang sila... When my mom arrived, she was calm already. She was thinking what I was thinking.... PGH... the hospital of the poor with great doctors but poor facility... We have no choice...

Pen Pen, my brother's girlfriend, called his bestfriend Paolo. Using his car they drove to PGH... That night the house felt so empty, thinking that kakatapos lang ng Christmas... It was so quiet that I can bear the sadness that I'm feeling... I went to bed and woke up around 1pm coz I have work that day... I was scared na magpahatid uli, thinking that same thing might happen to my dad... I actually feel guilty...

At the office, I have tons of work. My brother texted me na wag na lang daw ako punta ng PGH coz I was planning to visit them. He was home na pala... I got worried kasi I thought he was supposed to have an operation. So instead of going home to my place in Makati... I decided to went back to Laguna... When I arrived my brother was sleeping like a baby and mom make wento of all what happened...

And guess what... he's under observation, no need for operation dahil ndi naman yung ilong nya yung fractured but his cheeks the doctor advised hot compress and medicine lang... ndi naman daw basta basta inooperahan ang mukha. O see!!! Sobrang kainis talaga ng Biñan Doctors... Imagine kung may pera pala kami then inoperahan yung kapatid ko eh di malpractice pa!!!! Thank God talaga and He guided us... I was quite calm na... pero yung case na lang na sinampa ng lokong "victim daw" Gusto kaming perahan...

If they only knew.... if they only knew...

Convergys Christmas Party

2005-12-21T11:20:00.000+08:00

Christmas Party at NBC Tent... BOring... programs lang... I was late kasi eh becoz of Bjen... usapan 4pm pero naging 630pm... I thought nag gown ang loka sa sobrang tagal! Ndi ko na nakita ang perfomance ng Bellsouth... sayang... ndi ko nakita sila Pepper sumayaw... sigh...

Naabutan ko lang sina Cindy Kurleto and John Pratts (Yuck!) I really didnt enjoy the night unlike last year at least nakita ko si Nyoy Volante... kahit food... sablay...

After the Party... I wanted to go home... kaso sina Bjen kainis... sobrang tagal ko siyang antay bago kami punta ng party pero siya iniwan nya ko... umuwi sila ng maaga ni Joe!!!! As in sobrang kainis... We were planning to go to Pier1 kasi kaso dahil nga sa sobrang bored... umalis na sila... I was trying to enjoy myself with the live band... I danced with Boon and other team mates... Pero actually ndi tlga me masaya... o baka I'm not really in the mood for parties... I have no choice but to wait for Pepper... I went through the flow and the next thing I knew after the party we were at Ed Mallari's place sa San Lorenzo Ville in Makati... for the victory party daw for winning 2nd place sa dance no. , na ndi ko naman napanood... He prepared pizza and some drinks... sossy yun place nya kasi maliit and nakakailang... So we decided to stay outside na lang and play with Kechap's new digicam... picture picture uli...

After Ed, we went back sa The Fort for Pier1... Wow! Bangag na tlga ako... ndi ko na kaya... ndi naman ako makauwi becoz of Pepper... Siguradong nasaraduhan na kami sa bahay coz its already 4am... And paguwi namin yun nga... nasaraduhan nga kami... parang kaming pulubi na nahiga dun sa table dahil ndi n tlga namin kaya dahil sa sobrang walang tulog at alak... Buti na lang nagising kami ng mga 5am at pinagbuksan kami ng pinto... We slept the whole then. Nun nagising naman kami... Walang humpay na kuwentuhan... I'm glad that Pepper was around... Kasi I was able to realize some things in life... Mas lalo ko tuloy naiintindihan ang halos lahat ng bagay... :-)

PBA Game and Bangag na naman

2005-12-17T12:46:00.000+08:00

I'm awake more than 24 hours na naman... I'm here at work and very bangag... Stressful day pero luckily it had been a great happy turn over in the end...

I will tell first about my workplace which has been quite stressful for these past few days becoz of the tension within the team. Our new TL, Brian has taken over since December... and sadly I was getting negative feedback from our agents. I was actually having difficulty on how to handle this issue... since he was my boss plus I also care for my agents. My major problem was Boon, my agent, who is very pasaway and so hard to handle... He admitted naman na he has problems following authority. Our CSAT is currently at 50%. He contributed 3 dissat for CFT. Hay naku!!!! Matutuyuan ako ng dugo! Awhile ago, w're supposed to have our team meeting. I asked him to go on meeting but says he doesnt want to becoz he doesnt want to see our TL. I can feel the tension... kasi parang gusto na niyang manapak... I went to my TL and told him that Boon wouldnt want to join our meeting... TL went to Boon, I can feel my heart beating so fast... kasi feeling ko sasapakin na ni Boon TL namin eh... that I couldn't look at all. My TL went back sayin' you're all witness that he doesnt want to join us ha...

After the meeting I went back to my station I PM Boon and asked him what he said o TL. I advised him to transfer to another team na lang since ang pangit ng may tension sa sarili naming team. He said yes and it was actually his plan... Oh well he talked to our OM that morning. Then after that he passed his resignation. I feel na parang nabunutan ako ng malaking tinik. Although he is such a waste, kasi sayang naman magaling siya at least db, nag give way cya. Pero Boon and I are cool with each other...

My off was scheduled tomorrow. Speaking of Offs, I only have 2 offs in one week pero compressed work week pa rin ang working hours ko meaning that would be 10 hours per day with 2 offs. Kasi since nalipat na si Pepper sa ibang team, tapos kalat kalat pa yun sked namin so. I need to adjust my off to be able to support the whole team accdg to schedule.. It was OK with me since, considered as OT naman yun, wala naman akong masyadong gagawin. Kaso ang nakakainis is napansin ko yun TL ko feeling ko binabase yung off ko accdg sa sched na maluwag siya... Eh di napagusapan na nga namin na ang Off ko is this friday aba! Parang gustong bawiin pa... I would like to congratulate myself kasi I was able to say no. :) Madalas kasi na lagi na lang ako oo ng oo kahit na naiinis na ako... and it was such an accomplishment.

Off day! I went home. Making wento to my mom about my latest happening in my life. Pero badtrip. Nakita ko yung dati naming maid na pinalayas namin... KAPAL!!!! Nagwo work sa kabila... As in nag iinit talga ang ulo ko nun kasi ako na nga ang tumutulong sa mom ko that when I arrived at our tindahan nakita ko siya... Hello eh thinking na inaway away cya ng gagung stupid GCHAI President na mukhang orc sa LOTR... May history pa kasi yun... basta mahabang story... tapos kami yun tatawagin nyang walang delikadesa?!? Ndi ko tlga napigilan sarili ko, I looked at that bitchy kabit and said "Mama! Pokpok nga kasi tapos cheap pa... what do you expect eh di walang code of ethics" I know its a wrong move but I can't contain myself sa asar ko... Ndi na ko nakaalis kasi baka awayin yung mom ko... Alam ko badtrip yung bitchy kabit dahil nagdadabog cya at nakasimangot. Nagsumbong na naman siya sa orc DOM boyfriend nya...

That afternoon buti na lang at umuwi si Eli ng maaga and I was able to talk to Sinag that we can meet at 630pm to watch PBA game SMB vs Ginebra sa Cuneta Astrodome. Actually its one way para maalis ang stress ko sa work and bahay. As usual Sinag was able to brighten up my day. She makes kuwento about her blind date adventures with Hannah and Lenki... Sobrang funny talga... We met at MRT Taft tapos may mall dun na nalimutan ko na yung name... Nakita namin si Marissa one of my friends in college and its been years since nun last ko siyang nakita kaya I'm so happy talaga. She was ok naman. Doing good sa kanyang career and I'm so happy. We make kuwento about our life... love life.. plans... sigh... Nagulat ako parang dati classmate ko lang siya... :)

We watched the game and nanalo and San Miguel Beer!!! Sa wakas na nood ako, nanalo sila... feeling ko kasi jinx ako dati kaya ayaw ko na manood ng games nila. Sayang ang bet lang namin ni Sinag ay isang Oreo na Mcflurry... ang cheap tuloy... Oh well after the game nakita pa namin si Assunta de Rossi... sobrang pretty and sexy pero smoker... Tapos I was able to see the basketball players closely. Grabe ang tangkad nila!!! Feeling ko they can crush me anytime sa laki nila...

After PBA ayaw pa namin umuwi, we decided na pumunta sa Dish sa ABS CBN. Kaso when we get there, Christmas Party pala ng isang company so kumain na lang kami sa Dencios. After that ndi na ko nakatulog, tumuloy na ko sa office ng walang tulog... Support bangag then Sinag and I both agreed na magmeet the next day for Divisoria... Waaahhh Ndi pa ko nakakauwi o nakakaligo after namin magmeet nun PBA game. She picked me up at the office diretso sa Divi grabe daming tao... sobrang maputik pa!!! I feel so mabaho na and I was sooo tired. I actually just bought an outfit for Christmas Party... pero sobrang pagod na ko... Sinag and I bought the same blouse different style and color nga lang... First time namin magshopping together kaya so far nag enjoy na rin ako... When I got home mga 8pm na as in sobrang pagod na ko... Namalat na boses ko then automatically nakatulog na ko...

Petiks and Updates

2005-12-11T15:57:00.000+08:00

I only have 3 agents on the floor right now, thats why petiks mode ako ngyn. I'm done doing tier1 calls lahat naman truckroll... wahehehe Nagpa team meeting ako ng wala naman kaming ginawa kundi magkuwentuhan... MOD, Manager on Duty, is offering VGH, Voluntary Go Home, kaso what for? Eh, there's avail naman, so sayang kung uuwi ka na since nandito ka naman na...

Its been awhile since my last post... medyo busy sa work, sa gala, sa buhay... Hmmm... ano ba nangyari sa kin lately... Nameet ko na yung boyfriend ni Angie si Atan... Ang liit lang pala niya mas matangkad pa si Angie... Angie really looked in love... she was blushing when she introduced her first bf... niloloko namin yung bf nya kunyari interrogation... and as usual ako si girl version Boy Abunda... kept asking questions... Bakit nga kaya noh... most people that I ask ng "Bakit cya?" of all people y r u attracted to her? Hindi sila makasagot... hirap naman kasi sagutin di ba?!? Eh bakit pa rin ako tanung ng tanong... Its nice to know that our friend Angie was happy... Of course, Sinag and I make fun na naman of ourselves being single... Minsan naiisip na nakakainggit naman pero ndi rin... As far as I know... I'm happy naman...

After this shift uwi na ako sa min sa Laguna although hindi ko off mamyang gabi. Something happened na naman of course, masyado makulay ang kanilang life sa Laguna... my sister texted me saying na napalayas na yung maid namin... sinuntok daw ng lola ko... kung bakit? Ewan, i will find out later. My lovable lola is already 80 yr. old and very stubborn. Yung maid kasi namin may ugali kasing hindi sumusunod minsan nagsusumbong lola ko na ndi siya ginagalang ng maid namin... Eh lola ko is matanda na plus hindi na siya nakakalakad ng mabuti... Oh well sigurado na mahihirapan na naman mama ko nito lalo na ngyn na siya na lang mag-isa...

My mom, brother and sister just celebrated their birthdays... The company also gave us our 13th month pay kaya ayun pag uwi ko na holdap ako nila... with my arms in the air including my feet... wahehehe sobrang surrender but its ok for the family naman eh... so I'm happy to share my blessings with them...

The other day I visitd my very cute pamangkins na sobrang kuhlet... They're so adorable na parng gusto ko na magkaron ng baby... wahehehe...

Nothing exciting happens to me... as long as I make myself busy, meaning to say I always make sure na pag uwi ko ng bahay plagta na katawan ko sa pagod... para hindi ako masyado mag-isip ng kung anu ano... wala lang

Lyrics and Mood

2005-12-10T03:44:00.000+08:00

Gosh I was so tamad today that I stayed home and tried to clean the cd station. I found some MP3 cds and gosh I like the songs... sa brother ko to... mga sexy groovy music, yung kay revival din kay Nina na constantly... La lang... just hearing this music puts me in the mood... Ganda... I like these songs... I actually searched for the lyrics on the internet pa then post it on this blog... wahahaha ADDICT!!!!

====

Sweet Sexy Thing by Nu Flavor ---- > sexy feeling ;)
Grooving with you baby
Sexy Thing
Ulalala...
Sexy Thing
Ulalala...
Ooh oh ooh oh
Sweet sexy thing
Chorus:
Sweet sexy thing
Bring your body to me
Baby I'm in the mood
to make sweet love to you
Waited so long
Now I've got you alone
You sweet little
Sweet little sexy thing
VERSE 1
Hey there
Baby baby baby
Sexy little sexy thing you are
Do that to me one more time
Feels so good
Now that we're alone
All I wanna do
Is get it on
Girl I won't ever fight
I want you to be my lover tonight
And every night
'Cause when I make love with you
Girl everything you do is so right
Baby baby baby baby listen to me
Bridge:
I want some lovin' baby
Kissin' n huggin' baby
Lovin' n rubbin' babe on and on and on and on
It feels so good baby
You're drivin' me crazy
I wanna do it baby
All night long you..
Chorus
VERSE 2
Can't be accused
of lovin' you
For your body
And not for your mind
But tonight your body's calling
And you got that little look in your eye
So baby unplug the telephone
Lets just pretend that there is no one home
I'll put some slow jams on
And we can make love all night long lady
Bridge
Chorus
Bridge
Chorus [Repeat until fade..]

====

Constantly by Nina -----> para kanino nga kaya itoh... hmmm... secret... still on my mind...
I knew it was there
Though I tried to hide it
The feeling just kept on shining through
Haven’t known you that long
So I try to deny it
But the feeling was much too
Much too strong

Could this be love
Deep down inside
Tearing me apart
I feel it in my heart

Constantly, you’re on my mind
Thinking about you all the time
I can’t sleep no matter what I do
I just keep on thinking ‘bout you

Why do I feel this way
When I know you have someone
That you’re seeing each and everyday
Should I play this game
Of just being your friend but i know that’s not where I want it to end

How could this be wrong
When it feels so strong
Tearing me apart
I feel it in my heart
No I don’t want to start
No trouble
Between you and I and you lover
But I must tell you what I’m going through
Everytime you walk by
I see love in your eyes

===

Just the read the lyrics it will also put you in the mood... Lalo na pag kasama na yung music... Groovy :-)

Unang Linggo ng Disyembre

2005-12-03T08:44:00.000+08:00

The Holiday season is here. Christmas decors nagkalat... I like Makati City at night and during this time of year kasi bukod sa sosy, makulay... very festive ang Christmas decors lalo na sa Ayala.

A lot of things happened to me this week... I had my kakaibang off... luckily kinompress na rin ang work week namin so we have 3 offs with 12 hrs working hours per day... Mah Ged!!! I spent most of my offs at home... Ok naman... I was so busy with our tindahan and helping my mom out... Everything peaceful :-) I don't have gimiks lately... buti naman at least ndi magastos... but I'm expecting a lot soon... as soon as our 13th month pay would be released and that would be this Monday...

This week there are questions that striked and kept me thinking...

"Lyn, hindi ka ba na nalulungkot o nagtatanong kung bakit walang kang BF?" can you believe somebody asked me that question?!? Ugh!!! But I had observed that I promptedly answered "Hindi." na parang wala lang, without having second thoughts... Anu ba naman tanong yan... out of the blue bigla na lang ako tinatanong ng mga ganyan questions... with matching followup... "Eh bakit wala kang boyfriend?" I answered jokingly... "Eh ano ngyn, I don't think I need one" pero deep inside tuloy napapaisip ako... Bakit nga kaya?!? Is something wrong with me... I have guy friends naman... they say I'm cool, are they intimidated? bored? o masyado akong mabait?

Am I happy? I say YES. Somebody told me before that being happy is a decision... Its up to you to decide on what makes you happy... even though you're single you can be happy becoz not every realtionship ends naman happily ever after di ba?!? Another question that has been a great deal with our quickcomm topic is... How would you know if you had already moved on regarding relationships... Paul was the one who posted it using my quickcomm... And the whole team reacted thinking I was the one who was having problems moving on from a relationship and I played along with them, hehehe, although some comments are partly true... they are all shocked saying, "Why Lyn? Are you heartbroken?" Geesh... Hahaha... Paul tlga... I know naman that he's the one asking this question, seeking for advice becoz of this very special woman... tsk tsk tsk... I understand how he feels... I've been there... or am I still on that situation?!?

Oh well, I kept thinking lang naman about these questions that it actually bothers me... that I feel sad about it... I went to the parlor and pamper myself I just had a new hairdo, had a pedicure and fixed my eyebrows. I went to the office with a new look. Everybody was surprised... complimented me... and its nice although I'm not used to compliments... nakakailang... "One Hot Mama" compliment... Hello?!? Kainis...

Another kakainis issue was we're going to take in Tier1 calls para we're still familiar with the process daw... One hour of Tier1 calls... Actually kakaba kasi its been more than a month since my last call. Funny becoz lalo na mga more than a year na Tier2... I heard Fabian kanina nervously reciting the opening spiel... hahahaha he sounds funny...

Sigh... I'm getting bored out of my life na naman... After posting this blog... I'm going to the gym to make myself feel good... :-)

Honga pala while I'm bored at the office I tried to solve this mystery... I went to this site http://members.thai.net/sinthai/room.htm and it scares me... wahehehe parang me tanga pipikit pikit infront of my pc but enjoyed the thrill... sayang nga lang kasi walang sounds... cute pa ng creator ng site... he's brilliant and young... hehehe... try it if you have time...

December Sked...

2005-11-30T04:18:00.000+08:00

26 days to go before Christmas... Its so fast... parang kelan lang ang last Christmas ah... Of course we have new skeds... puhtek... compressed worked week mga agents namin... meaning to say that they have to work 12 hours a day para 4 days pasok then 3 days off nila... samantalang ako... 5 days ang pasok tapos 2 days off pero 12 -13 hrs ang working schedule... considered as OT pero kapagod surely... then Christmas and New Year May pasok!!! Oh well... same thing last year... :-( lungkot na naman ang Christmas and New Year... alone... working like dog...

Waaahhhh tapos sa leave ko... Dec. 8 lang ang approved, I applied for 3 days... No more Baguio City... No more gala... Kainis pa off ko... Monday and Wednesday... papasok pa ng Tuesday... Dami kong reklamo sa buhay noh... :-( But there's a lot of things to be thankful pa rin... Kaya ok lang...

Buti na lang and nanlibre si Pepper and Paul ng ice cream and pizza... sarap.... ng libre siyempre... I went home kagabi and everything went well naman... sa bahay wala masyadong hassle... everything peaceful kahit may problem ok lang yun...

I already watched Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire... as usual I'm so disappointed... Lahat naman ng Harry Potter movies eh... cute ni Viktor Krum lalo na nun naging shark siya... Wahehehe... I read the book uli... walang magawa... ndi kasi me satisfied sa movie eh...

Oh well, Christmas is in the air pero... I feel happy and sad naman at the same time... why?!? I actually don't know...

Dramatic Day Off Part II: What a Saturday!

2005-11-28T04:14:00.000+08:00

Waaahhhh... Sinasabi ko na eh.... Grabe talaga ang emotional burden ng mga tao dito sa bahay... My mom was so mad saying "sawang sawa na siya sa aming life..." She's not over acting and I truly understand her... kasi naman po siya halos lahat ang may burden nito... She cried and cried and didn't want to cook for our small canteen... I tried to talk to her and convince her that we're gonna do this together and help each other....

She didnt want to... So I have no choice but to make asikaso of our small canteen by myself. I was the one who cooked everything... and I was so tired... I really hate it when my mom is acting so "selfish" and all her pangangatwirans are very IMPOSSIBLE to understand... Kakaiba pag umiral na tigas ng ulo nya... Alam ko naman eh na siya yung pinaka nahihirapan sa lahat... And it hurts me a lot pag ganito... Eh pano kasi tong brother ko may simula ng lahat... sinagot sagot na naman ang mama, kaya ayun nag self pity at umandar ang "selfish mentality" nya... she's acting like a kid... sooOoo immature and very inconsiderate... pilosopo pa!

Isa pang LAGOT... kung minamalas nga naman... My brother borrowed a coat from our Tito Philip (we're not related to him, we just call him tito), which is the chief butler of Manila Penninsula... tagal na nya hiniram yun nun acquaintance party pa nila tapos kinukuha na ni tito becoz he's going to attend a special event at Manila Penn... yun pala natanggalan pala ng isang butones... My brother wanted my lovable lola to fix it since magaling sya magtahi... My GOSH... dahil minamadali ang lola namin... nataranta... nagupit si coat... ang ginawa sinulsihan... SHIT ang pangit talaga... kaya LAGOT... the coat was imported and made from Italy... Tito Philip needs it within 24hrs ... waaahhhh... tlgang lagot and goodluck surely hindi na makakahiram uli tong very irresponsible brother as what my dad had said... luckily when we returned the coat Tito was not home.

After all the commotion and all the emotional outburst... I decided to make uwian na from Laguna to Makati and give up the apartment.... So that I would not only support my family financially but also emotionally which involved my Mom a lot... But she wouldnt agree coz mapapagod daw ako... The hell I care eh kung lagi naman akong nag-aalala di ba... At least I would be able to supervise my brother and sister when mom is having her tantrums again... My dad explained to me the positive side and how they "dont need me in Laguna" coz they're going to be alright... Plus, they told me that I'm planning to go back to school next sem, which was six months from now, so i need a place to stay there in Manila and it would be quite difficult for us to find another place... Oh well, I was convinced and my Mom said that she'll be able to handle it well na and she wouldn't make me worry... but I decided that I will surely go home every off... to make sure that everything will be alright...

So everything was good na... my mom showed na a good mood and I'm really quite peaceful about it... Of course with her at our canteen... she's very mabenta becoz she makes chika to all her suki... Naubos ang tinda naming mami and I can see the face of that cheap cheap bitch... so envious and obviously pissed off na naman... kaya ayun she make sumbong na naman to her asshole lover and of course tinira na naman our kawawang maid... Accusing her that she was the one who removed the strainer on the sink... Luckily, ndi naman nya minura mura yung maid namin becoz my mom and dad were there pero high blood na naman... He's so cheap talaga... Ang nakakainis pa there's a smirk on the face of that bitch and her liar katulong... magkamukha na sila... as in gusto ko ibato yung mga hawak ko na knife... Our poor maid, umiiyak... kasi ganun naman tlga sya pag pinapagalitan naiyak...

To cool things out, we just smiled... This is one way daw to show them that we are not affected... as advised by my Dad although affected naman tlga kami... But honestly, I'm just happy kasi wala kasing bumibili sa kanila... Wahahaha!!!

Kapal talaga ng mukha! She's singing on the videoke... "tukso layuan mo ako" Creating a show... Epal talaga... What I did is I intentionally dropped the cover of our kaldero... as in it created a loud BANG! And we laughed naughtily kasi she stopped from singing... I actually learned that from SPPECC whenever one of us will sing videoke, they would bang the kalderos and make fun of it... parang sa Eat Bulaga dati yung may gong then contestant is out... I actually looked at that bitch again, smiled then shook my head as an insult to her... Subukan lang talaga niya i-confront ako... ay makakatikim talaga siya sa kin...

Deep inside, I actually feel bad about what I'm doing... Ndi naman ako basagulera o mahilig mang-away... kaso whenever I think of the things na ginawa nila sa amin especially to my Mom and Dad yung pang aapi nila... Dun nagngingitngit talaga ako... I'm not used of having enemies... pangit kasi ang feeling and I know its not good... Eh kasi naman sila eh... Nakakainis!!! Instead na hindi ka makaisip ng masama... Napapaisip ka tuloy... My mom is also not used in this kind of war... She's a very frank person that she can tell into your face directly that she doesnt like you at all becoz of the following flaws... She's very honest... Ndi lang nya ma prangka ang mga toh becoz they're plastic and back stabber... They looked innocent pagkaharap mo pero sa likod ka nila titirahin...

Oh well, I know dapat ipag pray na lang namin sila... and I do... bahala na si God sa kanila... I am still so thankful that although we are financially not that capable... I have a complete loving family that works thru every hardship we are experiencing and I knew and had proven that long before that we would be able to solve any type of challenge that comes our way...

Dramatic Day Off Part I: Tuliro

2005-11-26T01:01:00.000+08:00

*Sigh*

Every week na lang whenever I come home to Laguna nagiging stressful ang buhay... Grabe ang emotional burden na nararamdaman ko. Sometimes naisip ko na na wag na lang kaya umuwi at hayaan ko na lang sila dun... But I can't do that of course.... I can't leave my family... Gawin ko man yun... I'm surely wouldn't be happy.

Last week was a very stressful week, my dad had a dogbite kasi... and I'm so damned worried sick... of course, financial problem very expensive kasi magpaturok ng anti rabies. Tapos itong lecheng Clubhouse pa na 'to ayaw man lang sagutin yung gastos since sila naman may kasalanan kung bakit nakagat ng aso ang dad ko...

Weird pa naman... Kinuwento kasi ni Papa na it seems that he had a vision of what will happen to him for these upcoming days... and that includes the dog bite plus mamatay na daw cya ng Nov.23 according sa dream nya... Hello! Siyempre sino naman kaya hindi maiinis at the same time matatakot nun di ba... I've always been a daddy's girl... Would you believe that until now... I would love to hug my dad & kiss him in public... sometimes nga pagnaglalambing ako... I would still sit on his lap like a little girl... My Dad kasi is sooOo cool... sobrang laking takot kay God... He was the one who introduced God to me... A Man of Patience... as in sobrang pasensyoso... kaya pag nagalit siya... as in sobra naman... walang pakundangan... matatakot ka tlga...

Thursday, day before our off... I'm so worried na... My brother keeps texting me na my Dad need his anti rabies injection... I even asked Maxicare kung pede ba i charge yun sa card... they told me na pede kaso reinbursement nga lang... My dad went to Makati Med and the vaccine costs Php28,000.00. eh Hello! Where would we get that amount of money... sa RITM sana in Alabang eh ang kaso, we dont have Php6,000 for that...

My family depends on me financially, ako kasi ang may pinakamalaking wage na nakukuha from my job... sagot ko allowance and school expenses ng mga kapatid ko... And our primary source of income talaga is our small canteen kaya very crucial pag nawala ito sa amin... like what that mother fuckin bitch has been scheming about...

I really can't contain myself so I decided na mag-undertime na lang and I immediately went home to Laguna... When I got there... Its not so bad pala... My Dad is doing great and Thank God he's still alive, Nag ka vaccine na rin siya kaso ndi pa rin complete... Ok naman daw yung dog na nakakagat sa kanya. Wala naman daw kakaibang behavior as the owner said... Well thats good news isn't it?

Another thing that bothers me is Jun... I realized that I do still like him... Actually I missed him... One of his emails asked me "anong nangyari sa atin?" I honestly dont know... I thought it was over then.... But the good thing is we're friends... or baka ako lang nag-iisip nun... Oh well, minsan kasi napapagod na ko eh... And minsan pag inaanalyze ko, naiisip ko na unfocused na naman ako... I need to make myself busy soon... again and again... But I surely missed him...

Oh well, abangan na lang ang susunod na kabanata... I'm sure sa mga nangyayari dito sa bahay... I would be very busy...

Enchanted Kingdom after 3 Years

2005-11-21T01:41:00.000+08:00

Rain, invited us to go to Enchanted Kingdom. His treat!!! Masarap ang Libre. He has a lot of extra tickets. We went there yesterday after our shift... There's 13 of us (Rain, Haziel, Haziel sis, Franco, Lee, Fabian, John, Pepper, Mond, JR, Jeynayn, Alex, and me) and mostly Tier2s... We have our own means of transportation... John, Fabian and Rain brought their cars.

Its a good thing its Sunday... onti lang tao... we played paint ball first... Grabe its my first time and nakakatakot tlga yung mga guns parang totoo.... Medyo mahirap lang kasi madilim na when we arrived at E.K. and played the game... Naalala ko tuloy nun CAT War Games... and yung larong capture the flag... Ang bantot ng vest sobrang amoy pawis... pero masaya kahit wala akong natamaan kahit isa sa kalaban namin...

Its been three years since my last visit at E.K. Naalala ko libre din ng bestfriend ko nun college... Medyo may pinagbago din dahil sa ride na Rio Grande kahit ndi ko pa cya nasasakyan... kaso prang ndi na maintain ng E.K. yung facilities... yung c.r. parang public masyado... feeling ko nga mas maganda pa c.r. ng SM eh... basta luma na cya...

Nakakatuwa tlga kagabi... Kuhlet kasi ng mga kasama ko... Picture picture and also... the rides... Grabe un mga rides na dati ayaw ko dahil sa medyo natatakot ako... wala ng effect sa kin... enjoy tlga... onti lang tao so madami kaming rides na nasakyan... lalo na yung my favorite... Anchors Away... ang chicken ng mga boys... ayaw man lang sumakay... ang sarap ng feeling na parang babaliktad ka... Its a good thing hindi me nasuka since kakain ko lang ng burritos...

Nagvideoke din kami, arcade... sila billards... nakakarelax... after four hours of fun... John, Alex and I decided to go home... may shift pa kasi si John tapos ako din ng 4 am and I need to get enough sleep... Pepper is on leave so... Me lang mag-isa tom.

Nakatulog ako sa biyahe... hanggang sa paghatid sa bahay kailangn pa kong gisingin nakakahiya... Sabagay, I'm so tired po kasi eh... At least I was able to take some rest pa before my shift at 4a.m.

Welcome

2005-11-18T12:08:00.000+08:00

A few weeks ago, my mom decided to have my brother and sister to travel back and forth from laguna to their school, P.U.P Sta. Mesa becoz she found out that our maid is making kupit at our tindahan so she wants to terminate her na... and my brother and sister would be the one who will help her sa tindahan namin.... She suggested na maguwian na lang ako.. and I dont want to... Its not that I'm being selfish... kaso minsan stressful sa bahay... i'm sure mapapagod ako physically & emotionally ...

Pepper is trying to find a place here in Makati... so we both decided na share na lang kami sa rent ng house. so last night she already moved in... Its a good thing at may kasama na ko sa bahay di ba at least hindi na malungkot...

Oh well. new adjustments in life...

Single Girls Night Out

2005-11-07T22:30:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was Hannah's Birthday... Sinag texted me to tell me that I'm invited to Hannah's party and would want to watch PBA game with her... I'm quite hesitant becoz I haven't gotten enough sleep... I promised her that I'll just meet her at 7pm for Hannah's bday...

Unfortunately, I woke up late... I thought its still early but I forgot that I set my cellphone clock based on our avaya clock, meaning to say that my time was 1 hour late following the American Eastern Time for DST. If it wasn't for Sinag calling me I would've probably sleep through the night and she'll wait forever...

We met at Gateway Cubao... Along the way, she spilled all her kuwento about Rodney Santos, Ginebra basketball player who is texting her and flirting with her... the guy is married so I don't encourage her... but she seemed she went gaga over him... although she denies it...

We arrived at Hannah's house, she didn't invite many people... She liked my sexy top and make-up... Sinag brought with her the Magic Sing videoke as requested by the birthday celebrant. We ate (sarap ng laing). Then we ate tons of ice cream... busog na busog ako... the fun part was we sang using the videoke... and the funny thing most of the song that we sang was for single and heart broken individual... When we sang one song its always from the bottom of our hearts... tagusan at patama talaga... It took us until 2a.m, just singing... without considering her neighbors... wahehehe... but it was fun...

Ang sarap magbuhos ng sama ng loob... we also shared each other lovelife experiences through the night... We'll definitely do this again...

E-VAT and a Lousy Off

2005-11-05T12:07:00.000+08:00

I'm not feeling well... I have colds and headaches. I went home to Laguna... I actually feel soOo soOo tamad... Naiinis na nga ako... My mom updated me with the latest chika about our tindahan... nothing much talo pa rin sila... hehehe

I watched DVD all day... watched showbiz chika on tv... eat, eat and eat... Aaarrggghhhhh... Katamad tlga!!!

Oh well, my mom and I discussed about saving money... dahil sa E-VAT... the other day, I watched Four Brothers, featuring Mark Wahlberg, my ultimate crush with my officemates... we ordered Wendys burgers... grabe ang mahal ng food and dahil sa E-VAT ha... worth 10 pesos... I realized that I've been working at Convergys for 1 year na pero wala pa rin akong naiipon... I'm thinking kasi that I financially support my family... pero ndi dapat eh... its not an excuse... dapat may naiipon ako... kahit 500 pesos lang per payday... pero wala :-(

I'm thinking of ways on how to make tipid and these are some things that could help me:

1. no more taxi... I lived 5 mins. away from PBcom pero taxi pa rin ako... I need to wake up early para at least hindi na ko nagmamadali lagi...

2. iwas kain sa labas... magtipid!

3. i cant think of any... wahehehe...

I decided nga pala to stay in PBcom Makati for good. Mas tipid napagisip isip ko. Its ok for me to stay na in PBcom na since I'm not taking in calls na... Hindi na me magsasawa... Kaso yung lifestyle ko nga lang... Gosh magastos!!! Kainis... sometimes I can't control myself when someone invites me to go out on gimiks or eat out for lunch. I hate myself for that.

Sa sobrang bored ko dito sa bahay... I read all the magazines that I have... kahit luma na... I came across these open ended questions that I decided to answer.

One weird thing about me is .... while on traffic I like to stare at the sky and create images at the clouds like a kid.

I'm proud of... myself for being strong for my family.

I'd definitely trade places with.... Gwen Stefani, she's sooOoo cool and sexy

My fave line from a movie is... "Do you believe in fate?" "No, Coz I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my life" (Matrix)

The nicest thing I've ever done for someone is... to cook, clean the house, work hard and take care of them which is my family.

I'm passionate about... music, books, anything that would challenge my creativity

At the end of a really bad day, I.... pray to Papa Jesus then, play rock music so loud and jump on my bed. then eat a lot of junk food.

The nices thing I've ever done for myself is... go to the gym work out, and have a steam bath, its soOo relaxing and I feel sexy...

My fave line from a song is... 'trust the voice within' (Christina Aguilera - Voice within)

32 Hours Awake

2005-11-01T07:06:00.000+08:00

Grabe, I was awake for 32 hours na!!! I woke up yesterday at 4a.m. Ewan ko ba, body clock ko na yun na laging madaling araw gumising. By 6a.m. I started my trip back to Makati. There's a lot to do in preparation for our Halloween Party at Hardrock Cafe. I decided to wear a gypsy costume since its very uso these days.

I just dropped my things at my apartment in Makati... Gosh! Ang kalat ng place ko! I'm such a slob... I promised myself to clean it later but unfortunately I wasnt able to...

I went to Divisoria. Its a good thing it wasnt raining and onti lang tao... I went to 168 mall and when I entered the mall... Grabe, I'm lost! I wanted to buy every fashionable thing that I saw coz its cheap!!! I bought sexy tank tops, a skirt, a bandana, accessories...the next thing I knew my wallet was empty... From Divi, I went straight to SM Makati, I looked for an eye patch of a pirate... kaso wala... I looked in every toy store, Landmark and even National Bookstore... Grabe wala!!! I'm so tired na... So I decided to create an improvised eye patch na lang using a black ribbon... hehehehe...

I got home by 5p.m. Hindi na ko nakaidlip. I took a shower. I went to the parlor to have my eyebrows fixed. Put some make-up on. Bjen and her bf, Dale picked me up by 7p.m. At Hardrock Cafe, we saw our friends watched the battle of the bands (we actually won 3rd place) and danced thru the night... (strictly no alcoholic beverages was sold at Hardrock)...

Eric, tier2 team leader, said that we need to go to another place where we can party and drink. I dont want to go becoz I enjoyed dancing tsaka ayaw ko uminom... I made excuses that I left my wallet with Bjen, kahit na nakasakay na ko sa kotse (sama ko noh!) I went back. I promised them na susunod na lang ako... danced with bjen and paul but when I checked my cellphone I got 12 missed calls. Then they went back kasi iba na location sa Pier 1 at The Fort (napahiya ako kasi they saw me dancing on the floor, they thought I just went back to get my wallet and will immediately follow them) I had no choice but to follow them but I asked Bjen, Paul to join us. Good thing they did!!! At Pier 1. They started to order beer (yuck i hate beer) I ordered Cosmopolitan... I have a shift at 4a.m. so I should not drink too much... The party and dancing started... I actually enjoyed it. Jeynayn spotted a cutie and asked the waiter to send him a drink but the waiter said they're not allowed to do that so Jeynayn just asked the waiter to say "Hi" for her... We have a large crowd... We have the TLs, OMs, Tier2s... Its actually fun! I enjoyed the night. I was able to grab a dance with my crush!!! I had another cosmo drink... and blueberry cheesecake.... mmmm... sarap.... Later on that night... the cutie with his friends joined our crowd... I felt shy and tired, so I sat down... I realized na hindi me ganun kalakas ang loob when meeting strangers in a bar... Its actually awkward...

At 3a.m. we decided to leave coz we still have shift schedule while the others went to DigiCafe pa back in Makati... I wanted to join them kaso absenteeism is not allowed coz its black out day... So I went straight to the office and did my Tier2 support but gosh... I feel like floating... sakit sa ulo.... luckily onti lang escalations and sup calls.

*Sigh* I'm sure that I'll dropped dead on my bed and sleep like forever when I get back home after writing this blog... kaso I have to deal with my kalat pa pala!!!

But I really enjoyed the night :-)

The Mother Fuckin Bitch and her Asshole Lover

2005-10-30T13:20:00.000+08:00

Continuation of my last post....

The good news is... my mom was able to resolved the issue... she's a super woman talaga... she borrowed money from one of her friends and she paid it with another borrowed money... ah ewan complicated basta in other words may utang kami... My mom declared WAR... she doesnt care anymore kung magagalit yung kabit na yun o hindi... she bought beers and liquor... other products the we dont sell before... kaya ayun she's pissed off, wahahahaha!!!

The next day, I was supposed to go to Divi and go out with my friends at Gateway but my mom cried na naman used her "Napapagod na ko" line... So I have no choice, just to stop her from crying is to accompany her to the market... Gosh nakakapagod ang bigat ng dala namin... my mom needs to buy more errands at a supermarket so she decided na mauna na ko sa tindahan...

When I got to our tindahan... Grabe ang maid namin umiiyak and my sister is trying to calm her down... I asked "Anung nangyari dito?!?" "Si Mr. GCHAI President... inaway si Ate Jenny." my sister whisphered to me.... I said what the F#@K?!? Pati ba naman maid namin?!? As in sobrang cheap na talaga nya!!! Pati away away ng mga maids nakikisali siya...

My sister told me that Mr. GCHAI President slammed his fist on the door... tapos dinuro duro ang maid namin saying that "Wag kang maghari-harian dito ha baka gusto mo ndi ka na makatapak sa clubhouse na to..." As in HELLO!!! Pag-aari ba nya ang clubhouse and on what grounds nya para i banned ang maid namin... Kasi daw inaaway daw ng maid namin ang mga bading nyang katulong... Eh HELLO again!!! Ilan ba maid nya? He has 3 maids samantalang isa lang ang katulong namin... anu ba yun....

Oh well, natatawa na lang ako... Sa sobrang ka cheapanggahan ng taong 'toh noh... Pati away ng maid nakikisali at ginagawan pa bilang grounds para mapaalis kami sa tindahan namin...

Tsk tsk tsk... naaawa na lang ako sa kanila... Thank you God for continuously giving us enough strength and patience... Sobrang cheap nila talaga...

The Mother Fuckin' Bitch

2005-10-24T12:12:00.000+08:00

I am ssoOo pissed off today! As in leche!!! I went home to Laguna and my Mom told me na mawawala na yun canteen namin kasi pinaaalis na kami dahil hindi daw kami nakakabayad ng upa... Hello?! We just paid the stall rent for the month of September...

Eh pano, inggit kasi yung kabit na yun dahil walang bumibili sa kanila.... Porke delayed lang kami ng ilang months ngayon, gusto na nila kami paalisin... leche talaga... mahirap talaga pag pera ang labanan sigurado talo kami... Ang nakakainis pa yung smirk sa face nya... feeling ko gustung-gusto kong hilahin yung buhok nya at ingudngod yung mukha sa bowl ng c.r. as in Ggrrrrr.... Kung hindi lang masama e... naku!!!

I'm actually so stressed out. I feel like I'm going to be sick! I really don't know what to do. I'm just praying na to have this issue get resolved soon... Bahala na si Lord.

Tier 2 - Level 2 Technician

2005-10-19T11:12:00.000+08:00

i'm surprised this morning. Biboy texted me... 'himala'... saying that i passed my application and just got promoted as level two tech or tier2...

my reaction? i literally shouted "nnoOooo!!!!"

i dont like the job! my TL and Tier2 was the one who forced me to apply. i realized that during the interview with Eric, Harold and six other Tier2 applicants (all of them are male!), Its not an easy responsibility because you're going to handle the whole team difficult calls and supervisor escalations. Tier2 manages and works like a Team Leader... i really cant understand why i passed when i had observed the other aggressive applicants just to have this position because they're really good. i actually felt like i'm melting the moment that i heard this news...

the next day, my team mates and i need to meet for pumpkin making contest... waaahhh there's only 3 of us since its our off... i also confirmed that the news is true... and i am going to be assigned to my old team - Team China... Goodluck tlga!!!

now after one week of being tier2. i realize that its not so bad pala... more petiks time... as in petiks because sup calls seldom happens. at least im not hooked up on the phone 8 hours a day... thats one advantage... you're there to support the team by answering their questions and enhancing their communication and technical skills... (naks! parang totoo!)

Flirts and Boyfriend Questions

2005-10-13T13:08:00.000+08:00

What's with me lately?! Wherever I go... whoever I meet, someone keeps asking me... "May boyfriend ka na?" What a question? Parang nasa noo ko yun tanung na yun na parang binabasa lang nila!

S H I T!

Napipikon na ko ha!

Routines in Life

2005-10-11T01:30:00.000+08:00

Its been quite awhile since my last post here... i haven't been myself for the past few days but i'm trying to recover. About my last post, just ignore it. I was able to assess myself and everything was clear to me.

For the past few days I have been enjoying going to the gym and joining the group exercises. I also met my new team mates. They're ok. I'm quite excited about transfering to Convergys Commonwealth. I need to find a new place there soon. Although there has been a lot of negative feedbacks about the place, I decided that it would be a good start.

Last week, I applied for the position of Tier 2. I luckily passed the exam, kahit nagcram na naman ako (naalala ko tuloy ang school days ko). Mond and TL has been very persistent about my application... so goodluck to me...

I feel so lonely becoz I'm usually alone. My brother and sister needs to go home to Laguna everyday. So I was left alone here in Makati to work. I would usually go home, eat lunch, sleep, wake up at 5pm, go to the gym then go home again then prepare myself for the office.

Routines in life... how am I supposed to go beyond it? I miss my old team mates. I miss my friends... I miss my family... I feel lost again...

Why is it once in my life, I feel the emptiness sinking inside me... I really hate feeling this way...

pSeudo - rElationShip

2005-10-05T17:20:00.000+08:00

setting one's expectations... ang hirap ng ganitong relasyon... ayaw ko pasukin to kasi madali akong mainlove... ako ang talo... gaya ng sinasabi ng forwarded email na to... i posted it here to remind my self that this kind of situation happens. i should stop myself into entering such relationship... kahit na sabihin nila na ganyan talaga magmahal... na kailangn mong mag take risk ndi lang pagdating sa love but also be prepared to get hurt...

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She is a 24-year old copywriter. He is an architect. They met and became lovers in college. They broke up last year but remained to be "friends." They send sweet text messages and he calls her often to make sure she'sokay. They still date. They still have sex. They don't see anyone else. It is obvious that they still love each other but when asked about their situation, she doesn't know the real score. Even her friends are in the dark. "Parang sila, pero hindi."

She works in a telecom. He is reviewing for the board. They are in the same barkada. They talk on the phone till 4 am. He gives her chocolates, flowers and CDs even when there is no occasion. Their friends are suspecting something. Bakit sila nagsosolo kapag may overnight inuman?Why does he hold her close on the dance floor? Bakit sila magkaholding hands lagi? Sila kaya? "He hasn't admitted anything," she rants. "But I lethim hug and kiss me. Parang kami, pero hindi."

They work together in an ad agency. After office, they would watch movie, have dinner and stroll at Glorietta. She gave him Harry Potter books for his birthday in exchange for posing as her boyfriend to make an exjealous. They made out during the company outing in Subic and never talked about it. He said "I love you" once but she wasn't sure if she heard himcorrectly because they were both drunk then. But one thing she is sure ofis her feelings for him. She likes him. And she's assuming that with whathe's doing to her and with her, he likes her, too. There's just one hitch: he has a girlfriend!

She is a 28-year-old virgin. He's a 35-year-old bachelor. Both mountaineers, they became close during their climbs. After a few dates inposh restaurants, he brings her to his condo where they would make out.They have been doing this for months. She wants to believe that "sila na"but then she's not really sure about it. "We don't talk about it but itdoesn't really matter," she'd tell her friends. "What's important is I am enjoying this -- whatever it is."

The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage. Others call it MU or mutualunderstanding. Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo-boyfriends. Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase where the persons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers. Puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of you may have admitted your feelings, possible ding hindi. You just let your gestures do the talking for you. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi kayo mag-dyowa. Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.

This kind of "relationship" can happen at different stages for different reasons. It can happen after a break-up. You still love each other, andyou want to be with each other but you broke up for a reason. And forreasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan. It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayong nakikiramdam. Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso kayakunwa-kunwarian lang muna. Testing lang. Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo --usually the guy--may ka-relasyon na. Kaya habang hindi pa siya nakikipag-break doon sagirl (sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di naman niya ginagawa),wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siya nangagaliwa kasi"hindi naman kayo."This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Lalo na kung naghahanap ka lang naman ng "kalaro."Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala talagang kasiguraduhan. So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan?Iba't ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang. Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa wala" or puwede na iyang "pantawid-gutom." Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing, doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian.For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all. It would befun, if all you are after for is that "kilig" feeling.

Aminado naman ako na once upon a time, may mga pseudo-relationships dinako. No commitments involved. For the simplest reason that they couldn'tcommit, because they were either committed to someone else, or that theyweren't ready to commit.My rationalization, "okay na iyun, kesa wala."Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig feeling. Iyong merong nagtatanong kung kumusta araw ko. Iyong merong ka-cuddle sa beach outing. Iyong kapag tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako dahil alam kong galing sa kanyaang message. Iyong merong laging kasama. Habang wala pa ang the real thing, puwede na itong pagtiyagaan.But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship, the emotions were real.

And usually, in this kind of set up, ang babae lagiang lugi. Una, you can't ask him to commit. Since it's not really a relationship,you can't demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo? May K ka nga ba magpasundo ng hatinggabi? You will always be uncertain about your rolein his life. You can't expect him to be always there with you. And if you feel jealous of the other girls, you just have to keep it to yourself. Anoka ba niya para magselos?Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him? You can't be sure ifhe feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya.Even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can't. Because you'renot sure if he'll like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang. This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship. Or if there is a relationship at all. Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much? What if you have invested all your emotions and this man hasn't? What if you remain faithful tohim, not entertaining other guys, only to find out that he is seeing other girls?Isa pang down side ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When a disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would be the end of it.

Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam kung saan kalulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala kang pinanghahawakan. Kasi sa pseudo-relationship, there is no "us." Meron lang "you and me," hindi"us."Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindi eh.Real pain. And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo-relationship, hindi mo maiwasan umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin iyun. And you will be miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only to find out eventually that the guy is in another pseudo-relationship with somebodyelse.Ang hirap, ano? You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and then you'dend up hurting yourself in the process.Pero puwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh. Puwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang future and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the consequences.But if you are certain that you are going to hurt yourself in the process,kailangan mo mamili. You can be happy and live the moment without worryingwhat would happen next. Or you can stop settling with pseudo-relationships and wait for the real thing.

When someone enters this kind of relationship,gnito nlng ang masasabi ng iba. Sige, kung ayaw mong magpapigil, bahala ka. Magpakasayaka. Pero huwag kang iiyak-iyak pagkatapos, dahil tatadyakan kita."Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo. Ihanda molang ang sarili mo sa consequence. Dahil ang "parang kayo pero hindi"stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo. Usually, hanggang doon lang siya...almost, but not quite.

Email Revelation

2005-10-01T13:30:00.000+08:00

These are the emails that I received and replied for the last week of September.

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Written by: Rosalyn - Sept. 24, 2005

hello!

i'm doing great! i'm trying my best to make myself busy para hindi kung anu-ano ang naiisip ko... it nice to hear na ok ka na po... nag-aalala lang kasi ako... tagal mo ndi nag-email...

yup i'll be transfering this october to commonwealth and you wouldn't be able to see me in PBCom... nagsasawa na kasi ako sa workplace kaso ang malungkot dahil sa mga changes na to malilipat ako ng team/group dun sa work tapos yung team mates ko dati magkakahiwahiwalay na kami... sobra pa naman ang bonding namin kaya sobrang nakakalungkot... oo nga eh... naghahanap ako ng bahay pero as usual kasama ko mga kapatid ko... thinking na last june lang kami lumipat sa apartment namin ngyn... ok lang madali naman makisama eh... i can adjust easily to any type of person. well at least i'll be able to meet new people and possible new friends db...

sana ganun lang kadali magBF... pero i'm praying for it... ndi pa namin napag-uusapan eh... pero ewan ko... medyo conservative din ako... parang ndi ko kaya na ako mismo magbrought up ng topic na mga ganyan kasi as usual --- like everybody else --- i'm scared of rejection... so kung torpe cya wala nga tlgang mangyayari... thats the reason why i'm trying to make myself so so busy these past few days... naiinis nga ako sa sarili ko... pero i really cant do it... hayaan na lang natin... kasi i believe if God really wants him for me something will happen...

about sa ex mo... i'm sorry pero prng ang babaw namang dahilan yun... ndi lang naman nasusukat yung love di ba... i'm not against premarital sex, pero nabababawan lang ako...

friendster? ndi kasi ma-aacess ang friendster sa office e... blocked website yun... wala naman akong time mag-internet cafe... pero sige... ill try my best to make one soon... thanks for reading my emails and replying to them... kahit ganto parang ang lapit mo lang... so ingat ka po lagi ha... God bless.

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Written by: Jun - Sept 26, 2005

hey.................musta na ikaw?????? bkit ano ano ba ang naiisip mo????bakit ur tryin to make urself busy para di lang maisip ang mga bagay na kung ano man un??????nag aalala ka sa akin...........bakit ganyan ka??????? ...............ang lambing mo s akin.......alam mo sa totoo lang gusto na kita.............parang mas gusto kitang....... mas makilala pa...............kaso may iba ka naman gusto dyan syempre........ang hirap kasi talaga ng ganitong work eh...... wala lang sinabi ko lang................. .kasi sa attention na ibinibigay mo sa akin...........hahanapin ko sigurado yan pag nagka bf kana..................nahihiya na ako tuloy sa iyo ngayon......ingat ka lagi dyan............

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Written by: Rosalyn - Sept. 26, 2005

hi! i'm doing good... gusto mo ako? bakit ka mahihiya? nakakahiya ba yung feeling?

i'm so sorry if i put you in this situation... i really dont know how to reply on this email... honestly, the person that i'm pertaining to was you... a lot of things comes into my mind thinking that this is crazy... how can i really like someone this much... thinking that i havent met you and for a short span of time... i'm actually scared... scared on a lot of things... i really dont know... that's why i'm trying to make myself so busy para hindi ko na maisip...

well now you know... hindi ko na alam kung ano pa ang pede kong sabihin... sige po always take care of yourself... God bless...

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Written by: Jun - Sept 27, 2005

hey...............musta na baby ko?????kumain ka na po????e2 ok lng nmn ako,duty ko ngyon ng 6-12,ky medyo puyat nnmn,kasi dito kami ngayong torres straight...part ng australia,medyo shallow water kaya stand by engine.nkkain nmn ng maayos knina kaso di ako nbusog ksi di ko type ung ulam,di bale mag nu noodles nlng ako mmy pg ngutom ako.talaga????????so the feeling is mutual.............feel ko din nmn un syempre...un nga lang ayokong gawing assumption ung feelings ko n un,n mag assume ako n you feel the same.di naman sa nahihiya or takot ako ma reject,pinapakiramdaman ko lng muna ung sitwasyon syempre........from the very start alam ko nmng may special something between us......feel mo din nmn un sigurado.....di lang ako ung type n nag sasabi agad.....bakit mo nmn nsbing crazy???????normal lang naman to di ba.....walang ibang mas complicated na explanation.......bakit ka natatakot???o saan ka natatakot?????? di naman natin to sindya or something di ba??????naramdaman na lng.trying to make urself busy wont to anythin di ba?????kasi di mo nmn maiiwasang mag isip,so ung mga iniisip mo,y not make it words then sabihin mo skin,maybe we could work somethine out....for the better...............magic no???????out of no where then gnito ang feeling........masayang masaya talaga ako sa sinabi mo........:o) so pano na ang conclusion nito???????????? lets say we give a try?????????? would you be my baby????????ingat ka lagi.kain ng maayos.............

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What should I do? Am I ready to enter this relationship?

Broken Hearted

2005-09-28T01:50:00.000+08:00

My heart aches... It feels like its going to explode every minute I think of HIM... This is crazy... I only met him a few months ago and I'm acting so weird... Every conversation we had was kept playing inside my mind... Every object that I see, I seemed to relate it to him, See? How crazy I am?

I just want this to STOP!!! Just STOP!!! STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP!!!

I know I should celebrate becoz I have the signs of being in-love but I cant. Because I know for him we are just friends... He can be so sweet sometimes but as you know guys are natural flirts... I dont want to be trapped with this kind of moves but I am now... I feel so helpless now. He's always on my mind... this is ridiculous...

Somebody advised me to tell how I feel about this person. If that somebody only knew... I hate myself for feeling this way... its easy to think that I need to express my feeling so that I wouldnt have regrets in the end... but I cant. I cant even brought up such topic. I'm too conservative to make the first moves... and that only means that I really like this person and I'm serious about it... I really feel like crying... I'm scared of rejection, I know everybody else is... He's one of the greatest person I've met, whom I can really talk to... Without pretentions... Its just ME... But I know I'm pretending now, pretending that I'm not hurt whenever I talk to him. I just dont want to lose the friendship, I'm willing to stay on the sidelines and I know somebody would say that I'm stupid... Well I think falling in love makes me stupid...

*Sigh* I really dont know what to do... I'm trying my best to make myself busy as much as possible so that it will preoccupy my ridiculous thoughts. God help me... please ... please .... please, All I can do is pray... I'm trying to think that if God wants him for me, something will happen... It really hurts me a lot...

Busy Weekened

2005-09-23T11:34:00.000+08:00

What a weekened. I know its been a long time since my last post. I was so busy we had a lot of calls lately. As in queuing!!! I had no time at all to post blogs. For the weekened we had a our Convergys Wavemate Reunion at the Fort although there's only seve of us out of 21 who attended it but it was nice to see old companions. We just had our first year anniversary at Convergys last August 9, 2005. There was Jess, Nina, Karen, Denz, Eric, Biboy and me. We talked about our current lives and its surprising that its already a more than a year a lot of things happened to THEM but not to me. I'm still the same after 1 year and it surprising how time flies quickly. While their issues are really complicated, new relationships, having a baby, got pregnant, got someone pregnant, getting married... these are big leaps in one life that I haven't experience. I dont want my life to be complicated as theirs. I surely wouldn't know how to handle it. Its just that a year had passed and I'm still the same... I dont know if its a good thing or not... but what I know is my life is just so plain...

Jess already has a new baby, her name is Chloe and she's so cute. I also wanted to have a baby but I know its not that simple... Although it didn't worked between her and Jan (that Jerk!!! I really hate him) She looks great and I think she would be able to go thru it. I actually envied her although I know that its very stressful for her taking care of the baby and also working for both of them.

Nina has a new realtionship, although she's married she fell in love with another guy, why is it so easy for other people to have new relationship while I cant even have a new one. Although my relationship with Noel is so weird and has been 2 years over, I still haven't found anyone after that. Sometimes I'm asking what's wrong with me? Is it me or just the type of guys that I meet...

Bibz is getting married... hehehe very responsible. while a few months before his wedding day he's dating 5-10 different girls.. no steady girlfriend but she got one of her girls pregnant and he's marrying her... kakaiba right?! very conservative...

*Sigh* a lot of things happened to them in 1 year while i'm still the same old Rosalyn that I dont know if I would be happy realizing that...

I have the shift after the reunion at 130am and I overslept that I have to rush to the office and beg MOD not to tagged as NCNS. After the shift I went to Araneta to watch UAAP Cheering Competition. Aarrggghhh UP lost for a 0.2 difference with UST. UST is already a hall of famer... tsk tsk...

I dont know what's my real message on this post. I had a lot of ups and down for the past few weeks that I really cant understand myself. I'm getting bored out of my life.

Clueless

2005-08-24T00:27:00.000+08:00

Weeks of August, very strenous that I feel clueless. I was absent for about a week -not a nice feeling. Most of my day offs were spent at home in Laguna - boring. Had watched nonstop Korean Telenovela as influenced by my Tita...(I think I understand korean na!) We have a new motorcycle - I dont know how to drive it, I have a new hairdo - I was supposed to go back to my stylist pero ndi ko na nagawa kasi nagkasakit me, I've got my credit card that my dad wants me to buy a new cellphone - sobrang gastos. I know I shouldn't feel clueless but I'm doing the same routine over and over again. I'm tired of these things. Even at work I'm so sleepy, bored and even mentioned body urine to a customer (imagine?!) I know I shouldn't be feelin this way becoz I am very blessed by God. Tama yung cosmo quiz that I answered last week... It says I need some adventure in life.... I really need one ryt now....

My lovelife suck! I thought I'm doing great with a guy I met thru email... We're flirting and being smart with each other but becoz of my long absences I think he got the wrong message that I'm not interested so I'm back to nothing again... Zero! *sigh* Nothing seems to be right at all... I need to think of something.... I need to make myself busy... I know that I'm doing a good job about myself lately... they say that I'm "blooming" pero wala I feel so empty....

Auto - Zero

2005-08-02T00:00:00.000+08:00

What a day to start the month. We've got tons of calls. I have a headache and I think it serious. Another bad news was I got an auto zero on my cpats for not pasting my notes on a 2wire call. Its just a transfer to 2wire department but I was not able to paste the notes becoz I forgot to press the after call on the avaya phone. the next call populated the crg and I was not able to double check the notes. I know its a lousy mistake and I hate it. My TL told me that its a possible suspension for 3 days... Vacation without pay... of course I dont want that... Sigh... sometimes I wanna give up on this job but I know I cant. :-(

Sinag's Birthday

2005-08-01T02:21:00.000+08:00

Today is payday and its Sinag's birthday! I went shopping, did the groceries. I bought the new Harry Potter Book VI and I'm excited to read it. I texted Sinag and greeted her. She said that she's planning to treat us out tonight. I was supposed to meet her with the gang at SM Megamall by 7p.m. but I overslept.. hehehe Actually kulang nga me sa tulog. Edu called me up asking "Asan ka na?" And there I was sleeping on my bed dreaming. I'm late even at gimiks. Kainis. I arrived megamall by 9 pm and of course nagsasara na mall. I'm suprised because Diwa was there (brother of Sinag). The gang is complete - Hannah, Kresta, Edu, Sinag and Me. Diwa joined us - tagal na namin ndi nagkita and malakas pa rin siya mang-asar.

After eating the birthday cake. We went to Eastwood and watched a free concert sponsored by Winston featuring 6cyclemind and Bamboo. Timing. Wow! Astig talaga po! Kahit na medyo nagkagulo yung crowd ok lang tuloy pa rin.

I can't forget the very first day I saw Bamboo performed. It was New Year of 2005 and I had a shift. I was so depressed becoz this is the first time that I'm not going to spend New Year's Eve with my family. At Ayala there was a street party for the New Year countdown. Being the pasaways as influenced by Penny Go. We just logged in on our TKS and left the floor. We went down and watched the Count Down party with Bamboo and SugarFree performing consecutively. It was really fun... at first but when we got back to the floor. We were greeted by our TL and he was very angry. That was the first time I saw him get mad and its really alarming - kasi feeling ko hindi nagagalit yun eh. Though I realized... its fun breaking the rules ;-)

Kahit kulang sa tulog last night ok lang. Aira is very good, and I mean very goodlooking and very good in playing the electric guitar. Parang excited tuloy me this coming Wednesday. We're going to watch another OPM band ---> HALE at Ratski Malate. Tuluy na tuloy na to as in promise. - kahit ako lang mag-isa. At the strike of 1 am I need to go. My shift starts at 1:30 am so I have to leave--- bummer... d na pede umabsent--- bummer.

Till next gimik...

The Sad Truth

2005-07-30T02:58:00.000+08:00

I just read this from an email forwarded by CDBN group. I posted it on my blog becoz I want to remind myself about the sad truth. Its a challenge to all Filipinos.

======
Subject: Fw: How Koreans talk about Philippines
My Short Essay about the Philippines - by Jaeyoun Kim

Filipinos always complain about the corruption in the Philippines. Do you really think the corruption is the problem of the Philippines? I do not think so. I strongly believe that the problem is the lack of love for the Philippines.Let me first talk about my country, Korea. It might help you understand my point. After the Korean War, South Korea was one of the poorest countries in the world. Koreans had to start from scratch because entire country was destroyed completely after the Korean War, and we had no natural resources.

Koreans used to talk about the Philippines, for Filipinos were very rich in Asia. We envy Filipinos. Koreans really wanted to be well off like Filipinos. Many Koreans died of famine. My father's brother also died because of famine.Korean government was awfully corrupt and is still very corrupt beyond your imagination, but Korea was able to develop dramatically because Koreans really did their best for the common good with their heart burning with patriotism. Koreans did not work just for themselves but also for their neighborhood and country. Education inspired young men with the spirit of patriotism.

40 years ago, President Park took over the government to reform Korea. He tried to borrow money from other countries, but it was not possible to get a loan and attract a foreign investment because the economy situation of South Korea was so bad. Korea had only three factories. So, President Park sent many mine workers and nurses to Germany so that they could send money to Korea to build a factory. They had to go through a horrible experience.

In 1964, President Park visited Germany to borrow money. Hundred of Koreans in Germany came to the airport to welcome him and cried there as they saw the President Park. They asked to him, "President, when can we be well off?" That was the only question everyone asked to him. President Park cried with them and promised them that Korea would be well off if everyone works hard for Korea, and the President of Germany got the strong impression on them and lent money to Korea. So, President Park was able to build many factories in Korea. He always asked Koreans to love their country from their heart. Many Korean scientists and engineers in the USA came back to Korea to help developing country because they wanted their country to be well off.

Though they received very small salary, they did their best for Korea. They always hoped that their children would live in well off country. My parents always brought me to the places where poor and physically handicapped people live. They wanted me to understand their life and help them. I also worked for Catholic Church when I was in the army. The only thing I learned from Catholic Church was that we have to love our neighborhood. And I have loved my neighborhood.

Have you cried for the Philippines? I have cried for my country several times. I also cried for the Philippines because of so many poor people. I have been to the New Bilibid prison. What made me sad in the prison were the prisoners who do not have any love for their country. They go to mass and work for Church. They pray everyday.

However, they do not love the Philippines. I talked to two prisoners at the maximum security compound, and both of them said that they would leave the Philippines right after they are released from the prison. They said that they would start a new life in other countries and never come back to the Philippines.

Many Koreans have a great love for Korea so that we were able to share our wealth with our neighborhood. The owners of factory and company were distributed their profit to their employees fairly so that employees could buy what they needed and saved money for the future and their children. When I was in Korea, I had a very strong faith and wanted to be a priest. However, when I came to the Philippines, I completely lost my faith. I was very confused when I saw many unbelievable situations in the Philippines. Street kids always make me sad, and I see them everyday.

The Philippines is the only Catholic country in Asia, but there are too many poor people here. People go to church every Sunday to pray, but nothing has been changed.My parents came to the Philippines last week and saw this situation. They told me that Korea was much poorer than the present Philippines when they were young. They are so sorry that there so many beggars and street kids.

When we went to Pasangjan, I forced my parents to take a boat because it would fun. However, they were not happy after taking a boat. They said that they would not take the boat again because they were sympathized the boat men, for the boat men were very poor and had a small frame. Most of people just took a boat and enjoyed it. But my parents did not enjoy it because of love for them.My mother who has been working for Catholic Church since I was very young told me that if we just go to mass without changing ourselves, we are not Catholic indeed. Faith should come with action. She added that I have to love Filipinos and do good things for them because all of us are same and have received a great love from God.

I want Filipinos to love their neighborhood and country as much as they love God so that the Philippines will be well off. I am sure that love is the keyword which Filipinos should remember. We cannot change the sinful structure at once. It should start from person. Love must start in everybody in a small scale and have to grow. A lot of things happen if we open up to love.Let's put away our prejudices and look at our worries with our new eyes. I discover that every person is worthy to be loved. Trust in love, because it makes changes possible. Love changes you and me. It changes people, contexts and relationships. It changes the world.

Please love your neighborhood and country. Jesus Christ said that whatever we do to others we do to Him. In the Philippines, there is God who are abused and abandoned. There is God who is crying for love. If you have a child, teach them how to love the Philippines. Teach them why they have to love their neighborhood and country.You already know that God also will be very happy if you love others.That's all I really want to ask you Filipinos.
======

No Place Like Home

2005-07-30T00:27:00.000+08:00

Its been a month since I went home I missed my family - my mom, dad and lola. I filed a vacation leave last July 22 so that I can visit them. Oh, I miss the unlimited and yummy food at home especially mais con yelo, fishballs and lutong bahay. I ran errands for my mom and helped her in our small canteen business. My lola was the usual sobra sobrang kulit and pasaway.

After a week I came back. My mom was confined in the hospital becoz of her pneumonia. I got worried but when I saw her, she is the same high-spirited, fun-to-be-with woman that I've known. I took care of her while she was at the hospital. She always tell funny jokes and makes sumbong of all the nasty things our business competitor did to her to ease our boredom while we are at the hospital. I truly admire her for being so strong. She is a fighter and I wished I would also be like that. My mom is doing better now but she has a heart enlargement and needs to take extra careful about it.

Because of all her sumbongs about our competitor, my sister and I got pissed off becoz of their sobrang yabang attitude. Starting August I would regularly go home every week to help my mom. I'm trying to think of a new business. I dont have any idea yet but I know soon I will have one. I'm gonna be so busy these upcoming months thats for sure. \m/

Bored

2005-07-26T00:40:00.000+08:00

I'm so bored!!!! I feel everything thats happening in my life is on a routine. *Sigh* I would usually lock myself in my room and watch dvds. I'm getting tired of it. I'm alone, my brother and sister was in Laguna thats why I'm bored. Wala lang ... *sigh* Sometimes I wanna do this... hehehe

Wearing a Mask

2005-07-11T13:45:00.000+08:00

I woke up at exactly 1:30a.m. My eyes hurt from crying. They're puffy and red. I just had a big fight with my brother last night. I'm late again! I can't afford to be absent again. I immediately got up, dressed myself and rode a taxi.

"You're 45 minutes late!" my TL greeted me with a frown on his face. I smiled shyly and explained that I woke up exactly 1:30. I finally found a station and started to take in calls. We had a team meeting by 5:30a.m. about callbacks, recruitment etc. As much as possible, I wanted to hide the pain that I'm feeling. I joked around with every topic our TL discussed. I laughed my heart out but I know deep inside its fake. Then Conrad said that he'll be taking my picture for the Circle of 10 ( So its true!) My mind started thinking a lot of things again. I'm not Ms Confident Supermodel. I actually don't care how I looked. Conrad took my pictures and wanted it to be creative and spontaneous (huh? Pano ba yun?)I'm very conscious pero bahala na!

After the shift Jeanie, Belle and I ate lunch together. This time, I know I'm enjoying their company. I laughed with their jokes and worked on my imagination ~ lokaloka kasi mga yon eh. We're planning to watch HALE at Ratski Morato this coming 27. By 3 p.m. we said our goodbyes. I'm alone again. I went to PowerBooks to continue reading Vince's Life from summit books. It's a simple story some may think its mababaw but I can relate to it. It's about college life and being in love. The way vince felt about Andrea is really inspiring. Then my relationsip with Noel flashbacked. I started to think when will I fall in love again? Even though there's a big risk of getting hurt, I'm willing to go through it.

As I rode the jeepney I can feel the emptiness seeping inside me. As we got near the National Shrine of Sacred Heart of Jesus church I impulsively said "Para!" I know its been months since my last mass. I've already visited this church last Sunday but I just dropped by. This is the church where my mom and dad said their marital vows. Historic noh? The thought of it made me smaile.

I could recall the times wherein I'm always at church praying for my regularization. I even prayed the Novena to St. Jude at Mendiola, but after my prayer was answered I seldom went to church na!. so I feel so guilty when I entered the sacred place. After the mass I decided to say sorry to my brother and forget about what happened. Although I know its not my fault, but I cant really stay mad at any person so I will be the one to say sorry first.

When I got home after a few minutes my brother arrived. He brought my DVD!!! :-) I learned that my mom was problematic about our finances at home. I felt so lonely, worried and guilty. My brother left with his gf. I played HALE cd then suddenly tears rolled down my cheeks. All the pain that I've been holding was slowly pouring out.

Why am I crying? I actually don't know. It just happnened but my heart knows why, my mind just couldn't accept it. So here I am alone in my room crying...

Surprise!

2005-07-09T13:15:00.000+08:00

Wwaaahhhh!!! I woke up late again! Tapos wala pang water para maligo. I decided to be absent na lang. I called MOD, Conrad, and he gave me good news! He said that I am a Circle of 10 for the month of June awardee. Wow! I'm really surprised. Circle of 10 is like a hall of famer for the month. Top 10 agents with 100% CSAT and good AHT. This is out of 300 agents on the floor. Its really unexpected but I'm so happy (Thank you Papa Jesus) I prayed for this - nothing is impossible talaga. Usually my problem was my AHT (its becoz daw ang bagal ko magsalita) I'm just lucky. I sound so happy while talking to Conrad that I realize I forgot to be pretend to be sick hehehehe....

Later that afternoon, I went to the HR department to submit my pre-employment requirements. I went to the gym to relax... Sheeesh I miss this. I also miss Jacky. I love the steam baths. I feel so relaxed. Its a very good day!

Bonding Moment

2005-07-02T10:00:00.000+08:00

Payday! (Yesterday) Yahoo! The most important day to remember when you're working. I always mark my calendar in advance for it. My brother, sister and I just had a bonding moment. Since my sister is a newbie here in Metro Manila we decided to go to Megamall instead of the usual Glorietta. My sister just had her first MRT ride :-) Its like a fieldtrip. Then we watched WAR OF THE WORLDS. The movie was ok at first with all the suspense scenes but the ending was disappointing... ang corny!

We ate at SM Foodcourt becoz we dont want to eat fastfood (KFC, McDo, Jollibee etc.) It was fun but of course We need to go home early, I have a shift later that evening. I'm planning to do this every payday... It was fun!

Fete de la Musique

2005-06-20T11:00:00.000+08:00

June 18, 2005 is a very busy day! I planned to go to Tutuban with Sinag this afternoon after my shift but I wasn't able to. I had to start packing some of our stuff becoz we're gonna move to Makati tomorrow. By 3 pm, I went to our soon to be place and started to unpack our things. Its just a small place. Para kaming magbabahaybahayan. I'm quite excited about it.

At 5pm, I went to Megamall to meet Sinag. We're gonna watch Fete de la Musique. Gosh! Kung puno lang ako, tinubuan na ko ng ugat, namulaklak at namunga na dahil sa sobrang tagal nilang dumating. I actually finished the book I picked to read while waiting for them at Powerbooks. I saw Hannah first and she make kwento about her lovelife... Its quite amazing becoz everything happened between her and her boyfriend was so fast which I can really relate. When you're in love, you really cant imagine the things that you could do. Always expect the unexpected even na yung mga iniisip mo dating "kacheapanggahan" nagagawa mo. Naisip ko tuloy si Noel. How's he doin kaya?

At 8pm ---- > imagine?! We saw Sinag, Kresta and Edu. I'm so happy coz I missed their company. Sayang Angie and Atet were not there. Its really nice to see old friends. We're all working na and parang kelan lang ang favorite tambayan namin is UP sunken garden...

We went to El Pueblo. Grabeh! Sobrang daming tao! You cant imagine. Different groups of people-sosyal, jologs, rakista, hiphop, nerd, ave people - parang EDSA 2. We went to Podium for Alternative Rock, parang divisoria sa dami ng tao. We heard Juan Pablo, Color it Red and a lot of bands I cant remember them all... We're not enjoying the event kasi siksikan walang maupuan, sakit na ng paa ko. Then we just decided to wait for HALE to play. Sana pati Spongecola but accdg sa schedule late na sila tutugtog. When HALE played their music of course nagkagulo mga tao. Tulakan, siksikan as in feeling ko ang bantot bantot ko na! Hirap ng maliit! Hindi ko makita si Champ mabuti kainis. Nakita ko lang head nya but at least I heard his voice Live! After that we decided to leave the place and go somewhere else.

We went to Malate, my first time. We went to Bedrock, nice live band kaso corny naman kasama sina Sinag ayaw nila magsayaw so Hannah and I na lang ang nagdance. Gutom and pagod daw kasi sila e. Grabeh ang mahal ng food dun! Sobrang konti tapos ndi pa masarap.Then yung manager kapal di man lang sinoli yun sukli namin! Sobra talaga! 1 cup of rice 60 pesos!!! eh 3 kilos of rice na yun e or 1 burger mcdo meal or 4 pesos na lang may 1pc. chicken meal na ko sa KFC mas masarap pa! Hmp!

So we left the place grunting and went to Legend, another bar. Mas enjoy, we danced thru the night with the live band. I drank 1 San Mig light, as usual allergy attack. I felt so bangag. Its 4am after that we went to baywalk di ko na talaga kaya. I'm so sleepy of course 3am of yesterday pa ko gising noh. Feeling ko I'm drunk pero knowing 1 San Mig light lang naconsume ko hindi pa naubos! I arrived home at 7am... lumagpas pa ko so I have to ride another jeepney to go back. Whew, what a day!

After 10 hours, we're officially moved in Makati pero magulo pa rin e. I'm so tired ndi pa ko nakakabawi ng tulog. Tomorrow na lang ako mag-aayos. Nakakapanibago and I'm sure gonna miss home. I feel the sadness of my mom and lola when we left. But we have to move on and be independent... One weekened I would never forget.

Star Wars Fever

2005-06-16T23:02:00.000+08:00

Star Wars Horoscope for Gemini

Like most Geminis, you are a playful little creature.
You tend to be extremely curious, craving knowledge but sometimes having a short attention span.
For the most part, you are charming and loveable.
But at times, you can seem scattered and high-strung.

Star wars character you are most like: Ewoks

What is Your Star Wars Horoscope?

How to Eat Leftover Chocolate Cake?

2005-06-16T18:00:00.000+08:00

Isang nobela na naman po!

Seven days after my birthday, things didn't start out right. My scorecard was very low for the month of May :-( I'm always late plus I was absent again last Saturday! (Tigas!) Naiinis ako!!!! I know its my fault kaya I've been irritable for the past few days. So again... I feel so clueless. I really hate feeling this way... Waaahhhh!!!

Even though I'm absent, I stayed at home at nagmovie marathon ng Star Wars Episode IV, V, VI. Nagsoundtrip buong maghapon with Hale, 6cyclemind, Bamboo and Spongecola. I love OPM! I love alternative music! Magandang pandivert ng mga worries.

Sheessshh.. great way to spend the whole day huh. Actually, I also did a lot of household chores lalo na ang magtupi ng ng nilabhan for 48 years. I'm bored but there's a lot of things that comes into my mind, slowly these things become complicated... Pero at least eating a leftover chocolate cake is not that complicated than the things inside my head.

How to eat leftover chocolate cake?! Its easy, of course what you need is a delicious chocolate cake (my mom can make one), a fork pero I like to use my clean hands. I know its slobbish... walang pakialamanan! Make sure your hands are clean. Use your thumb, index and middle finger to tear a small piece. Small enough basta kasya sa mouth para ndi ka magchoke. put the cake inside the mouth and let the mastication and process of digestion begin! Don't forget to lick the excess chocolate icing on your fingers... Mmmmm.. sarap!

My mom baked a chocolate cake for my birthday tapos ba naman nilagyan nya ng malaking candle yung pambrownout kasi matanda na daw ako. Hmp! Most of my friends greeted kaya masaya din kahit walang celebration. Most of them asked what my bday wish is... I told them WORLD PEACE - mag ala Ms. Congeniality ba?! But serious ako sa world peace and of course meron pang iba but i wont tell baka ndi matupad *wink*

Sigh! Dati whenever I blew my birthday cake I would wish for a barbie doll. Haha.. I even wrote Santa for that toy. At 24, of course I dont believe in Santa anymore nor I would ask for a doll either. When you're a kid things are simple. If ever I'm gonna have a wish na kakaiba. I would wish na sana I would be a kid forever. Innocent, vulnerable, wlang iniintindi kundi maglaro at tumawa. Hearing children's laughter inspires me. Peaceful and calm ang dating like there's nothing to worry about...

I'm going to have my own place soon. This June 19 tuluy na tuloy na ang pagmove namin with my brother and sis sa Makati. I'm excited and scared at the same time. Excited becoz I'll be able to decorate my own place, run my own rules and be independent. Scared of making wrong decisions and the responsibility of being a guardian of these two pasaway freaks (Robert and Eli) But I believe we'll be ok and Papa Jesus is there to guide and protect us always...

Oh well see kung gano kahaba to... It only proves sa daming pumapasok sa isip ko ngayon. Kulang pa to sa dami ng iniisip ko.

Twenty-Four

2005-06-07T20:21:00.000+08:00

At exactly 19 hours and 38 mins, I'm going to be 24 years old. Shhheeessshh. 24 years of madramang boring na buhay. Minsan I'm thinking if ever I'm about to die today ready na ba ko?! Then I realized OK lang. I sound surprised sa mga thoughts ko. I'm 24 and ok lang sa kin kung mamatay me ngyn na?! Does it mean na walang meaning ang life ko or walang purpose kaya tinataken for granted ko?! It's sad pero katwiran ko naman is dun din naman ang tuloy ng lahat e, then why should I be scared of it. Dba? Hhhmmmm... Nawe-weirdohan na tuloy ako sa sarili ko. and I dont think that its normal to think that way.

Oh well, this morning on my way to work mga 3a.m. nun (as usual late na naman ako) I'm really nervous kasi when I was in Pacita may nakasabay akong guy and of all places na pede naman nyang upuan sa tabi ko pa! He looks nice naman so dedma then he started to asks questions, if I also work in a call center etc. and ewan ko ba sa sarili ko... I know na madalas tlga manyari sa kin ang mga gantong situation, but still I dont know how to react. They usually give their phone nos., offer to escort me where I'm going or even asked me out (aarrggghhh as if!) I would normally answer their questions but of course most of them are not true... Hehehe I always pretend that a boyfriend would pick me up or even say that I'm married and has three kids! (See how desperate I become on these kind of situations!) Sitting there still being polite and all but deep inside I'm so damn nervous and scared.

I can recall them all perfectly. There is this one time I felt so harassed the guy actually grabbed my hand and tried to place it on his private part.... I am so stunned!. I just sit there pretending to be asleep. I just couldn't react. I can't even look at the guy becoz I'm so scared. Talk about PERVERTS huh?!

Ooopppsss its 18 hours and 30 mins. then I'm 24. A 24 year old woman who's still lost and doesnt have a clear view of what she wants....

I'm thinking.... thinking.... The ultimate goal of a person is to be happy, isn't it? Everybody wants to find or have happiness. The big question is what makes a person happy? What makes me happy? Well, I don't know. Nothing specific but what I know is I am a simple person. Simple things can make me happy... Simple things that can inspire me. Just like a cloud. Looking at them amazes me. It's simple and it inspires. Happiness and Simplicity, two words that I typed on this entry thats very hard to define. It depends on how a person perceive what happiness or simplicity is.

Hhhhmmmmm... feeling weird na naman ako.....

Tier2 No Help

2005-05-05T23:33:00.000+08:00

Its been a long time since my last post. No more to petiks days we're back to split 1. I have an average of 20 calls per day thats why I'm so busy and have no time to make blog entries. A lot of things happened for the past few weeks... Whew... I can't believe that its already MAY 2005!

This morning, I checked if I have any CSAT/CFT surverys for last Tuesday and I do! I double-clicked on it, cross-fingers, looked at it with one eye opened and then SHIT! I got an UNSAT survery. This is really unfair and very frustrating. What happened was the customer is out of sync becoz her line was disconnected due to billing issues. She was promised that it will be restored by yesterday. I already called dsg and dsg adv truckroll. So that's what I advised her. She's very mad (kapal noh?!) She is shouting at me then she demanded to talk to a tier2 agent. Oh well, our magaling na tier2 was here sleeping on working hours. I woke him up and it took me 4 mins to do that. Tier2 said to offer a callback - hello!!! of course the customer wouldn't accept that crap!- I have no choice but to do it... then BAM! She disconnected the call with that loud sound on my ear. I really felt crying that time and right now. AArrrggggghhhhhh....

What should a girl do with such feelings?. Oh well, I'll just need to divert my attention to other matters of my life. Yesterday, I had my powerpack training. I enrolled myself in a gym class at Fitness First last week. I was invited by Jacky to accompany her inquire the rates but then when we get there... we have no choice but to sign up. The member consultant gave us a deal.. Just like Pera o Bayong thing... Huhu, I paid four thousand pesos for it. Anyway, at least I am enjoying it especially the steam bath... shheeessshhh sobrang relax ang feeling. Feeling ko I now have an active lifestyle and napa-pamper ko na sarili ko. I am now busy instead of being at home and watching dvds, eating junkfood. Hindi pa naman sumasakit yung katawan ko and I like the company of Jacky, my gym buddy. We always laugh about simple things and its really fun. I also just wish that I would have a personal trainer so that I would have a program plan on losing weight kaso its expensive. Siguro I just need to create one for myself since I am a nutrition major and I already have a background on this kaso I need to look for my old notes becoz most of it I cant remember them. hehehe...

A lot of changes will truly happen to me for the upcoming months. This May probably, Robert, Eli and I would move into a new house here in Makati for the school opening. Bahala na.. although I'm also excited about it.

SPONGECOLA

2005-04-15T03:20:00.000+08:00

Ang band na kinalolokohan ko lately, SPONGECOLA... hehehe. Ewan ko nga po ba? Pano nga ba uli me naging fan ng band na 'to? Ahhh okei... One day nag gui-guitar yung brother ko ng Jeepney. Sobrang na-amaze ako sa song. Then he played Crazy for You... dedma lang kasi kala ko trip lang nya tugtugin... I haven't heard their music yet nor see them on TV. Then while listening to 99.5 RT... it played Spongecola's revival Crazy for You. Sobrang na-hypnotize me sa voice ni Yael and I cant get enough of them since then.

I immediately bought their album and lagi kong pinapatugtog na sobrang lakas as in! Adik! Tinatawanan nga ko ng mga kapatid ko eh.. pero walang pakialamanan! I joined their mailing list kahit na kahit isang post ng message ndi nila naapprove okei lang.. at least i'm updated sa mga nangyayari. Madaming gigs na nagdaan pero kahit isa wla pa me napupuntahan kahit yung sa Araneta ndi me sure kung makakapunta me...

Paconsuelo ko na nga lang is makita yung pix nila sa different sites... Lahat nga ng search results about spongecola ay inoopen ko lalo na pag petiks naman... Kahit makapanood ng TV ndi ko magawa dahil sa sked ng work ko. Inaabangan ko na lang yung video nila sa MYX and MTV.

Pero I'm gonna make sure na makita ko sila soon... *sigh* dapat talaga!!! SPONGECOLA rocks!!! \m/

Exploring HTMLs

2005-04-12T02:14:00.000+08:00

As usual petiks na naman sa floor. But I enjoyed it kahit na walang calls. I spent most of my working hours today trying to explore html codes and try them here at my blog. Its amazing kasi kahit papaano medyo marunong na ko. Hehehehe... Ang ganda ng pictures tlga ng mga anime noh?! Pano nga kaya nila ginagawa to? Just like this one... Astig!

I'm a technical support agent of Bellsouth Fastaccess Internet Service DSL but I'm not a techy person. Ewan ko ba! When I applied for such position ang alam ko lang talagang gawin ay magturn on and off ng pc. Hehehe ... Here I am, troubleshooting connectivity, pc and email issues. Training and experience lang tlga... Okay nga tong work na to eh... Maghapon nakaupo, nakaharap sa pc. Kahit na bawal magsurf ng internet, sige pa rin! Yung mga calls namin kahit paulit ulit challenging pa rin kasi not all troubleshooting steps work. Kailangan ka umisip ng paraan para mapawork ang internet connection nila.

*Sigh* Kahit isang call wala pa ako. Binabayaran me ng company wala namang ginagawa... Minsan naiisip ko umuwi na lang kaya ako at least dun madami pa ko magagawa kaysa dito nakaupo maghapon nag aantay ng calls... Yun nga lang pag nasa bahay ako walang bayad di tulad dito kahit nakatunganga may tumatagingting na 800 pesos/day. So no choice kundi umupo and mag isip ng pwedeng gawin. Buti na lang at nandito si Jacqy para turuan ako ng kakaiba HTML codes... Iniisip ko nga medyo complicado pero konting practice lang okei na. *Sigh* si Biboy naman eto walang sawang nagyayahoo messenger. Galing nga eh kasi na download nya sa pc nya?! Ndi nga lang nga me pede gumaya kasi wla naman me YM acct.

Petiks petiks... 50 avail?! bukas ganito na naman kaya?! Sana naman hindi... kundi mag iisip na naman ako ng pedeng gawin... dapat pinaplano para di tulad nito nakakabato...

The Big Question... WHY?

2005-04-11T01:25:00.000+08:00

Have you ever felt that you want to do this and that but you dont have enough time or resources? do you ask a lot of questions lately... questions that starts with WHY?

I really dont know whats happening with me these past few days. I feel so empty that I dont know what should I do. Questions that are left unanswered. I know that I'm old enough and I shouldn't feel this way again. Like a teenager asking what she wants... searching for her dreams... confused on what she believes in... I'm an ADULT! And still feel so unassured of what Im doing. I hate feeling this way!!! I know only one thing to cure this... GALA! Kaso tagal pa ng payday :-( I'll probabyly just stay at home and read some books...

I always make it a point to reflect everyday. reflect on the things that happened to me... If Im going to reflect now. All I can say is I feel so empty... cold... bored.... lost... confused...

Hmmmm... Wala lang... I really dont know...

First Time Moh?

2005-04-01T00:00:00.000+08:00

Yup. Nalilito ako. Pano nga kaya... kailangan pag aralan.